Life
by Andy Moore on October 10, 2012

Ah, shit. Who are we kidding? As Selena Meyer and the rest of the cast of HBO's “Veep” have taught us, to be vice president is to be in a position without much importance, power, or influence, and often those in the job would be better off as a senator like Biden was, or a representative like Ryan is. Vice presidents are about as crucial leaders as Bobby Valentine was to the Red Sox. Which is to say, yeah, you get the point.

However we know of a way to make it seem much more important than it actually is: Beer! Presenting our official vice presidential debate drinking game.

Please, play at your own risk. I wish it didn't need to be said. But don't take this game seriously. At all.

One drink for the following buzzwords:

  • “Taxes”
  • “Jobs”
  • “Medicare/Medicaid”
  • “Obamacare”
  • “Main Street”
  • “Wall Street”
  • “Middle class”
  • “Unemployment”
  • “Small business”
  • “Cutting spending”
  • “Private sector”
  • “Fiscal responsibility”
  • “Social security”

Two swigs of your drink:

  • If Biden says “Literally” [Note: We're sorry for this one.]
  • If you get a glimpse of Biden's pearly white teeth
  • If Ryan cites negative jobs reports under Obama
  • If either candidate brings up changing our “Energy policy”
  • If Biden says Romney lied during the first debate
  • If Ryan mentions his mother in the context of Medicare

Finish your drink:

  • If Biden folksily mentions Scranton, Pennsylvania
  • If Ryan or Biden bring up Ayn Rand
  • If Big Bird is mentioned in any way
  • If Biden says “General Motors is alive and Osama bin Laden is dead”
  • If Ryan's marathon time is brought up

Take a shot:

  • After any and every ridiculous gaffe.
  • If Ryan calls Martha Raddatz biased
  • If Biden mentions “The Onion's” portrayals of him
  • If Ryan says that he bases every decision off the political thoughts of Ayn Rand

Wine enema butt chug if:

  • Ryan asks Biden, “Can I call ya Joe?”
  • Biden f*cks up his “Osama is dead” line and says “And Obama is dead”
  • If Biden's hair plugs or Ryan's resemblance to Eddie Munster are discussed at length
  • Obama comes on stage and says, “Let's go, Joe” [1:57 mark]

Andy Moore

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