Joe Biden and Paul Ryan will debate each other tomorrow night as they continue to run for the dubious honor of being the first in line should Barack Obama or Mitt Romney kick the bucket. Vice presidential debates are hugely important affairs, with both candidates going at each other in ways that the presidential nominees can't and... and...
Ah, shit. Who are we kidding? As Selena Meyer and the rest of the cast of HBO's "Veep" have taught us, to be vice president is to be in a position without much importance, power, or influence, and often those in the job would be better off as a senator like Biden was, or a representative like Ryan is. Vice presidents are about as crucial leaders as Bobby Valentine was to the Red Sox. Which is to say, yeah, you get the point.
However we know of a way to make it seem much more important than it actually is: Beer! Presenting our official vice presidential debate drinking game.
Please, play at your own risk. I wish it didn't need to be said. But don't take this game seriously. At all.
One drink for the following buzzwords:
- "Main Street"
- "Wall Street"
- "Middle class"
- "Small business"
- "Cutting spending"
- “Private sector”
- "Fiscal responsibility"
- "Social security"
Two swigs of your drink:
- If Biden says "Literally" [Note: We're sorry for this one.]
- If you get a glimpse of Biden's pearly white teeth
- If Ryan cites negative jobs reports under Obama
- If either candidate brings up changing our "Energy policy"
- If Biden says Romney lied during the first debate
- If Ryan mentions his mother in the context of Medicare
Finish your drink:
- If Biden folksily mentions Scranton, Pennsylvania
- If Ryan or Biden bring up Ayn Rand
- If Big Bird is mentioned in any way
- If Biden says "General Motors is alive and Osama bin Laden is dead"
- If Ryan's marathon time is brought up
Take a shot:
- After any and every ridiculous gaffe.
- If Ryan calls Martha Raddatz biased
- If Biden mentions "The Onion's" portrayals of him
- If Ryan says that he bases every decision off the political thoughts of Ayn Rand
Wine enema butt chug if: