A few weeks ago I told you about a highly-amusing Bro on Craigslist who was looking for someone in New York City to break in his Rainbow Sandals before the Belmont Stakes. Given his Fratagonia and Brooks Brothers speak, I assumed the author of the masterpiece is a trust fund kid from the Northeast who went to Vandy, or possibly played lax at a Patriot League or NESAC school, now working for a hedge fund in lower Manhattan.
Anyway, our the same author of the Rainbows sandals post is back with another post on Craigslist, this time with an idea for a charity give-away for the homeless. During a sesh crushin’ “marg on with my boys at Dos Caminos in Soho” (…which BroBible just hit up last week), he thought “Why not have the NYC Bros of the world donate new or gently used shorts to the homeless?” After all, it’s hot… Wouldn’t New York City’s homeless population appreciate having shorts to wear all summer? And not just any shorts, preppy Nantucket reds or Vineyard Vine shorts with little whales all over them from Bros who don’t need them anymore.
It’s called “the Tribeca Shorts Drive.” A little patronizing, but the thought is there. Here’s how it goes:
The other day I was getting my outdoor marg on with my boys at Dos Caminos (Soho not Midtown; sorry, Pfizer dorks), and I saw something so upsetting that I nearly spit out my choice bev. A homeless man was walking around in a pair of Levi’s, in June. Long pants in June? Wtf? Seeing someone in denim longs post-solstice totally limped out my summer bone. I’ve never been much of an activist, but I thought to myself, “Collie, this stops here.” We simply cannot have the homeless walking around in pants in the summertime ruining the seasonal vibe. I mean how can I get prepped to anchor my Fire Island flip cup squad on the weekends if I’ve gotta see winter fashion during the week? Thus…
Presenting the 1st Annual Tribeca Shorts Drive for the homeless.
Does it bum you out when you’re soakin’ up Stella and rosé in your 5″ inseam seersuckers and you’re forced to see long pants on those less fortunate? Does it ruin your view when you see nothing but shorts as you gaze from the window of Bill’s Bar and Burger only to have a transient in Dickies work pants throw off the whole scene? Feel bad no more. In an effort to make downtown look more summery please donate new or gently used shorts for the down-and-out to participating locations of the Tribeca Shorts Drive.
- New or gently used shorts only
- No Dockers. This is not your shitty hometown, if you donate Dockers the homeless will only continue to look homeless. Shorts from J. Crew, Bonobos, Banana Republic and Vineyard Vines are preferred. And for fuck’s sake, if you even know where an Old Navy is then you are one step away from being on the receiving end of this shorts drive.
-No Lululemon men’s wear. It’s a fine line, but we’re trying to make these ‘bonds look like brahs that crush Bellinis at Sarabeth’s, not like goons that think they impress the ladies at Soulcycle, or even worse ‘bags that think they’re competitive because they go to Flywheel.
- No Southeastern Conference embroidery. Whales, anchors and golf tees are encouraged, but we don’t want to embarrass these drifters by making their shorts scream “My pug’s name is Saban” or “I’m a Giants fan because I went to Ole Miss just like Eli.” I would add no Big 10 embroidery either, but Big 10 people differentiate themselves by continuing to wear cargo shorts well into 2014.
- No carg’s. Doi.
- If you live in Brooklyn or Queens and feel the overwhelming need to donate please take an Uber to the drop-off locations, DO NOT request an uberX, if you take a green outer-borough taxi to this area you’ll just be undermining the point of this beautification project.
All Tribeca bars and retailers as well as Brinkley’s, Penny Farthing, Fiddlesticks etc.
Regarding my last post: newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lbg/4455510062.html
I’m saving myself the hassle of having to answer your emails on whether or not I found a brogan to break in my flops for Belmont, I did. The Duke product I ended up hiring was able to perform the task, but one, just like every other North Carolinian he couldn’t wait to figure out a way to tell me he got engaged at the Biltmore; and two, like any other Dook he insisted on cradling my ‘bows and tossing them to me with a lacrosse stick. Classic.
Next to America dominating the World Cup, this Bro’s Craigslist posts are seriously the best thing about Summer 2014. See you at Brinkley’s for Happy Hour, Collie.