Millennial Punches Old Man In The Face At Costco Over Nutella Sample And I Gotta Side With #TeamMillennial

There may be like six people who have walked this Earth that have taken just one food sample. Taking one food sample is like taking one toilet paper square, or thrusting just once during sex, or having just one beer at breakfast. It’s just unrealistic. And un-American. We are the country of BINGING, bro. Go join ISIS if you’re satisfied with just one pig in a blanket.

That’s why it was difficult for me to fathom a red-blooded old-timer American calling out a fellow Patriot for over-sampling at Costco–the Mecca for sampling.

Via Los Angeles’ KTLA 5 News:

A 78-year-old Costco shopper was punched in the face Sunday morning after getting into a dispute with another customer who he believed was taking too many Nutella waffles from a sample cart, police said.

Burbank resident Derrick Gharabighi, 24, had snagged several samples when the elderly shopper told him to take just one, Burbank police Officer Cindy Guillen told Times Community News.

That’s when Gharabighi reportedly punched the man in the face. The man was hospitalized with a one-inch cut and swelling above his eye, Guillen said.

Gharabighi was arrested on suspicion of elder abuse and is due in court this week.

I’ll never condone punching a 78-year-old in the face. Just kidding, this old-timer had it coming to him. You don’t get a get-out-of-jail card because you outdate color TV. Lay off my snackage, bro.

But my mom taught me to be respectful to my elders, so get well soon, gramps.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.