Guys, Miley Cyrus Has More Armpit Hair Than I Do

Being a girl must suck. Periods, pregnancy, hauling around a set of tits, holding in your farts, and society telling you to shave every part of your body. So am I mad at Miley Cyrus for redefining gender norms and posting pics with a chia pet under her arm? No. Would I prefer a pit-hair-less Miley Cyrus? Sure. But who am I to tell Miley how to live her life? She’d probably prefer I shave my back or stop jerking off to my ex-girlfriends’ Facebook pics, but if we let others dictate the way we live, we’d all be mindless lemmings jerking off to our current girlfriend’s Facebook pics. And that’s just unnatural.

You guys catch that?

Ya I’m a little uncomfortable, but I can’t pretend I haven’t wondered what it would be like to live as the opposite sex.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.