Here's the $100,000 question: If your girlfriend's incarcerated and it's Valentine's Day do you OR do you not drive to the jail house, park your car outside her cell, put on the car's interior light, and beat-off as a sign of how your heart pumps for her? Trick question. Everyone knows if you're girlfriend's in jail (or out of town for a long weekend) you pretend she's dead and you paint the town red with your dick. Well, everyone except 47-year-old Terry Glenn Doxey.

According to the Smoking Gun: 

According to cops, Doxey was spotted outside the Muskegon County lockup around 5:20 AM. Wearing only a blue jumpsuit, he was pleasuring himself while illuminated by one of the vehicle’s interior lights. He did this, police allege, so that his girlfriend and the other women could better see the autoer*tic activity.

When confronted by officers, Doxey denied pleasuring himself. However, this assertion was contradicted by items cops found in Doxey’s ride (use your imagination).

Doxey, whose car had been seen on prior nights parked outside the jail, was booked into the lockup on a felony indecent exposure charge.

What are the odds that the cops allowed Terry's lockup for indecent exposure to double as a conjugal visit with his jailed honey? That would've been a true Valentine's Day miracle.