Elsewhere online, there is a set of pictures that show U.S. Marines drinking snake blood while at a boot camp in Thailand. The photos are, without a doubt, the most badass thing I've ever seen. MARINES ARE DRINKING COBRA BLOOD IN ORDER TO SURVIVE IN THE JUNGLE. Look, here's a video which doesn't even come close to doing the pictures justice:
I was informed, though, that we can't show said pictures because of something called "licensing costs" and a condition known as "they're too expensive, leave me alone, Andy." "Go to Shutterstock," everyone said. "See if the photos are there."
They're not. THERE'S NOTHING THERE. So instead of seeing Marines being badasses and drinking cobra blood, check out the best photos of snakes the free Internet has to offer. They're fucking venomous, I promise.
And no, I don't know what is going on with that first picture either.
[Man holding pet and cobra, via Shutterstock]
[Snake Plissken, via Google Images]
[Man in oriental costume holding python, via Shutterstock]
[Jake "the Snake" Plummer, via Google Images]
[Obviously fake cobra on white background, via Shutterstock]
["Home Alone's" Snakes, via Google Images]
["The Man The Trainer with Cobra," via Shutterstock]
[Jake "The Snake" Roberts, via Google Images]
Haven't forgotten about you, Jake Roberts. Never forget.