You tryna get laid, bro? Read on.
Chicks love a sense of humor (See: every single girl’s Tinder bio). So it’s essential to have a few tried-and-true knee slappers at your disposal at all times. For your pecker’s sake.
And if you’re going to tell any joke, why not have it be the FUNNIEST JOKE IN THE UNIVERSE (according to LaughLab–a website where people can submit their best jokes to be voted on.)
LaughLab initially set up the project in 2002, and 13 years later over 44,000 jokes have been submitted, resulting in 1.5 million votes.
The results are in.
Second place went to a man by the name of Geoff Anandappa, from Blackpool in Britain:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
And first place goes to…
*DRUM ROLL*
Shut the fuck up, Matt, just give the people what they want.
Gurpal Gosall, a 31-year-old psychiatrist from Manchester!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
Clever. Well done. Funniest? No. But I see how it can appeal across cultures, genders, generations. You tell that joke at my party, you’ll be asked to leave, FYI.
MY TURN:
This is the first joke I ever wrote circa 9th grade:
What’s the star constellation below O’rion’s Belt?
THE BIG DICKER!
My parents don’t love me.
P.S. I noticed BroBible Managing Editor JCamm got a haircut, so today I said “JCamm, you get a haircut?” He replied “Nope. I got them all cut.”
Does anyone know where to bury a body in the NYC area?
Just kidding. That was a funny joke. Don’t fire me.
[h/t LADbible]