A Hamilton man with several prior public indecency convictions was sentenced Tuesday for having sex with a rubber pool float last summer.
Edwin Charles Tobergta, 34, was indicted in July on one count of public indecency and pleaded guilty in September.
According to an arrest report, Tobergta was arrested on June 15 after stepping out his back door, naked, and having sexual relations with a rubber pool float. The incident occurred in front of several children during the daylight hours.
Let this be a lesson to all of you out there: If you're going to have sex with inflatable pool toys, make sure there aren't any kids around. Then you're golden. When I wanna get down with my snow tube with the orca whale painted on it, I do it like a normal person—at night and in the privacy of my own home. Shit, the first threesome I ever had was with a couple of hot yellow arm floaties when I was 11.
Seriously though—how does sex with a pool raft even work? Do you grind on it like those Asian massage porn videos? I can't imagine there's a 34-year-old man out there who can contort his penis to fit in one of those little plastic caps where the air goes.
Do you throw it in the pool first to lube it up a little?
Maybe it's all oral?
I kinda don't wanna know but I kinda do.