Take a bow, Florida. You've done it again, you magnificent motherfucker of a state. I don't... I don't even know why the rest of us try to compete, you're clearly the big swinging dick of crazy states. This latest arrest, of a dude who could probably pass as a Bro if he weren't having fun breaking, entering, and masturbating, is one of the more entertaining arrests I've recently read about.
According to Action News Jac:
Authorities arrested Jason Vickery, 23, on burglary and larceny charges. Deputies say he broke into a home on Atlantic View in St. Augustine.
Vickery told police he got into the home through an unlocked door. He told investigators he went upstairs to masturbate in the bathroom when he found a remote control helicopter. Vickery said he found some batteries and started playing with the helicopter. He also ate a salad that he brought with him, according to detectives.
Vickery told deputies he then went back to the bathroom to masturbate when he heard voices outside. He ran outside where a deputy, with his gun drawn, was waiting for him.
Police confiscated a bag full of marijuana, other drug paraphernalia, a wig, a towel and a pouch of chewing tobacco.
Did this all happen after he fell bored while sitting on his own couch and asking himself, "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" Only possible explanation.