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How do you feel about Bumble Bee Tuna, Bros?
I’ll tell you how I feel. One day in first grade, my mom gave me one of those 90s, do-it-yourself-type kits (think Lunchables) that Bumble Bee tuna Fish made to keep up with the trends. It came with little packs of mayonnaise and crackers and shit. About two hours after eating it, I felt insanely ill.
I asked to see the nurse and, because this was elementary school, I needed a buddy to take me to the clinic. Since I would stay there, that person needed a buddy to go with them so they could both get back to class. By chance, my teacher picked the two girls I had crushes on. On the way to clinic, really not even that far out the classroom door, I puked everywhere.
Never got to hook up with either of them when we got older, but we remain friends. They still bring it up.
Bumble Bee tuna. Fuck you. I’ve never eaten it again. And I most certainly would never eat it after hearing this news.
Get ready to puke. From the New York Post:
Jose Melena was performing maintenance in a 35-foot-long oven at the company’s Santa Fe Springs plant before dawn Oct. 11, 2012, when a co-worker, who mistakenly believed Melena was in the bathroom, filled the pressure cooker with 12,000 pounds of canned tuna and it was turned on.
When a supervisor noticed Melena, 62, was missing, an announcement was made on the intercom and employees searched for him in the facility and parking lot, according to a report by the California Division of Occupational Safety and Health. His body was found two hours later after the pressure cooker, which reached a temperature of 270 degrees, was turned off and opened.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHH. Gah. No. Human tuna fish. Human tuna fish. No.
No.
It’s making news now because the plant operations director and a safety manager were charged by Los Angeles county prosecutors with crimes for negligence.
The company, its plant operations director Angel Rodriguez and former safety manager Saul Florez were each charged with three counts of violating Occupational Safety & Health Administration rules that caused a death.
Slowly cooked to death in an oven with six tons of Bumble Bee tuna surrounding you? The smell. The smell. Can you think of a worse way to go? I can’t.