Today's fact of life is this: If you strangle anyone long enough — even if it's during BDSM sex and she is mid-org*sm telling you not to stop — she will eventually turn a bluish color and f*cking die. Your super sperm won't save her, so don't allow your ignorance to let you think it will. What else won't save her is you leaving the scene for a few hours, hoping that she'll just sleep death off while your gone.

The Palm Beach New Times is reporting that 40-year-old David Muringer learned all of the above lessons the hard way last October. (The hard lesson has always been David's calling card. For instance, he has the Road Runner and Wile E Coyote tattooed on his back. Fuckin' sweet idea when you're five years old.) After finding his girlfriend, Doris Lopez, still dead, he knew it was time to dispose of the body. You know, because calling the cops and admitting that he is a kinky f*ck and the death accidental was not a viable option to him.

"He didn't want to go back to jail," the New Times reported. "So he crammed his lover's body into a cardboard barrel, and rolled it out to his car. Then he drove around for four hours, trying to figure out what to do, according to a probable cause affidavit.

"Finally, he ended up in a parking lot behind Mellow Mushroom, the pizza joint in Delray Beach. He left the car, with the body of Doris Lopez, 48, of West Palm Beach inside, and took the bus home.

"Later, a customer was waiting in the lot for her pizza when the horrific stench caught her attention, according to the Palm Beach Post. She saw hundreds of flies swarming around the car, and a strange container inside stained with red.

"She called 9-1-1 last October, but it took three more months for the Delray police to arrest Muringer. They charged him with manslaughter and the unlawful disposal of human remains. He was booked into the Palm Beach County jail yesterday."

This makes me wonder, what exactly would constitute a "lawful" disposal of human remains when it comes to manslaughter? If he left a copy of Bible in there with her?