Life
by J. Camm on March 31, 2014

shutterstock_84291343

A man named Chamangeni Zulu is now without genitalia all thanks to a witch doctor telling him if he let a hyena eat some of his body parts he would experience a windfall of wealth. Much to Zulu’s chagrin the hyena he encountered was hungry for toes and also dick and balls. OUCH.

Speaking to The Times of Zambia, Zulu said:

“On 24th March around 4am, I went to a bush where I was instructed to be naked. A hyena came to me and started eating my toes and eventually my manhood was eaten. Even though I have lost some important parts of my body, I still hope to get rich.”

Oof. That had to hurt so goddamn bad. Can’t really equate it to anything I’ve ever been through. Pretty stoked about that, actually, because in my head all it took for the Hyena to rob Zulu’s torso of its crown jewel was one cartoonish bite followed by a ferocious RIP.

Zulu

 “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies…unless it’s my genitals. OH SNAP! Zulu’s still got it!”

If you are curious as to what it might be like to be eaten by a hyena, this link will bring you to a real life video of a hungry hyena eating a dead elephant’s anus. (Now there’s a sentence I’ve only written in my wildest dreams.) Also, I should warn you, that link is not safe for life.

Follow J. Camm on Twitter —>

[H/T Gap YearHyena image via ShutterStock]

J. Camm

About J. Camm...

J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.