Maybe I’m wrong, but jail is probably the absolute worst place to spring a massive erection. Especially when said rock-hard dong could be easily misinterpreted as a sign that you’re extremely excited to meet your new bunk-mate. Especially, especially when that huge erection lasts for six days and causes permanent damage. Sadly, poor Rodney Cotton suffered through this hard to believe experience while locked up in New York City.
The long story started in July 2008 when Cotton was serving hard time at the Manhattan Detention Center for a parole violation of flipping a car. He was on parole when he fell on hard times in 2008 and was arrested for illegally possessing 68 Vicodin and 100 Xanax pills, which seems rather rigid.
While in the clink, the 50-year-old prisoner was prescribed the anti-psychotic drug Risperdal to treat his bipolar disorder. One of the side effects of the medication was a painful erection that last for six days. I guess you don’t get to consult your physician if your erection lasts more than five hours in prison.
“It didn’t go down. It hurt and it started pounding,” recalled Cotton. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more awful and embarrassing situation.
Despite Cotton’s moaning and groaning, as well as having “difficulty walking,” correction officers and two doctors at the jail gave him a hard time and told him his situation was not an emergency. That’s rather stiff treatment if you ask me.
Cotton was forced to stay in his cell over the long Independence Day weekend with just an ice pack and Tylenol. That did not alleviate the big problem.
“I had to wear briefs or boxers. I couldn’t wear jeans,” Cotton said of his tent pole. “They had me walking around like that for almost a week.”
It wasn’t until July 8, when he saw a third jailhouse doctor that he was sent to Bellevue Hospital for emergency surgery. That’s where Cotton underwent a lengthy surgery that included a catheter implanted in his penis, which must have been hard to swallow.
Following his medical procedure, he was sent back to the jail with stitches that he was told were self-dissolving. But they weren’t. By August 9, 2011, the stitches became engrained in the skin of his shaft and the hard as nails Cotton had them removed by a doctor without anesthesia. FUCK! That’s a hard nut to crack.
In 2012, Cotton still had hard feelings as well as physical ailments, so he filed a lawsuit against New York City, the Department of Corrections and the city Health and Hospitals Corporation. He was seeking $10 million in cold hard cash.
The lawsuit claims Cotton suffered “permanent injuries to his penis,” “continued pain and discomfort” “mutilation” and “loss of function” due to the medical malpractice of doctors as well as the hardheaded guards who ignored his pleas.
The long and short of it is that the city drove a hard bargain and awarded the ex-con a settlement of $750,000 on Monday. Maybe he fully expected $10 million, or maybe he just had a big head, but it was a hard sell to get the city to pay the entire lump sum. However Cotton makes the hard to argue point that, “They took my manhood!”
“It’s embarrassing. We’re here to create. I can’t perform my duties as a man,” a long-faced Cotton told the Daily News.
“If I had the choice between the reward and having my manhood restored, I’d have my manhood restored in a heartbeat,” said Cotton.
The first step is always the hardest, but Cotton has said he plans to move on and use his settlement money to relocate to Atlanta, where his daughter lives.
Take a long, hard look in the mirror and tell me that this isn’t the most horrendous awkward boner story of all-time?
[NYDN]