Life
by Fitz E Fresh on July 18, 2012

Q: I've got digital drama. My new-ish girlfriend has been casually mentioning that we should make it “Facebook official” and I don't think I'm down. I'm not one to advertise my relationship status on Facebook, so I've had it completely omitted from my Facebook for a while now. It's not like my info says “single,” so I don't see why I need to change anything. How do I delay making it FB official without seeming like a total ass?

A: Yoikes. I share your sentiments on broadcasting the intimate details of your life to every grandma, hookup or or friend's little sister who's friend requested you. Going “FBO”, as the biddies call it, is the modern day version of getting “pinned” by the fratter of your dreams back in the 1950's. It's a public warning to every woman to back the f*ck off; it's also a personal warning that you're becoming marked territory.

If you don't care that much, then just appease her and click accept, or whatever steps you have to take.

If it bothers you, just be honest with her — remind her how much you care about her, regardless of declaring it on the world wide web.

Q: If a man was a girl and a girl was a man, how many whirlpools would collapse when the moon turns purple? This is all assuming that Justin Bieber is a rainbow unicorn chipmunk that has a no genitals. (Serious answers please)

A: I had a hard time figuring out what the actual question in this question was, but here goes; If a man was a girl and a girl was a man, assuming that Justin Bieber was a rainbow unicorn chipmunk without genitals…and the moon turned purple..it seems kind of obvious to me that every whirlpool in the world would collapse. Hope you enjoyed the acid.

Q: If a chick that you just boned (While heavily intoxicated off Fratty Light) texts you the next morning asking if the condom worked and she seems nervous, what should the planned course of action be? Should I start packing my bags or should I become the proud father of an Uh-oh baby?

P.S. I am not entirely sure if she is actually preggo or just freaking out

A: Before i respond allow me to clarify one thing- there is literally no way to feel or know if you are pregnant less than a day after having sex. Don't bug out become a teen dadb  or flee the country just because this girl is feeling the burn of the post-blackout morning. That said, there's really only one thing you can do– and should do.

Plan A. is Plan B. It's the most appropriate and frankly only option to give both of you the peace of mind you need. You either spend $40 at CVS, or the rest of your life regretting last night.

That said, it's not a cure-all and it actually f*cking sucks to have to take it as a girl, so remember this is not an easy, every week sort of a solution.

Submit your questions here and check out the Ask a Babe archives for further enlightenment.