Watch This Absolute Lunatic Follow This Dude Around And Threaten To Kill Him For Walking His Dog On The Hot Sidewalk


I have zero tolerance for dog abusers. Like those Sara Mclachlan abandoned dog commercials ruin my week. I lay awake at night staring at the ceiling wondering if that little terrior with the glass eye ever found a home or if he’s still roaming the streets doing meth. I legit almost called the hotline once to adopt one, but hung up when I realized that I was still a piece of shit who has trouble taking care of himself, nevermind anything living organism.

And I firmly believe that the people who leave their dogs in the car during a hot summer day should be stoned to death in the city center while the local news live broadcasts it. Maybe have Ryan Seacrest host the event to boost ratings and increase viewership. Those people are monsters and we should do Darwin’s work for him.

But this dude driving around playing Animal Control like a goddamn maniac is on the other end of the spectrum. Like I appreciate the dudes righteous cause cause but I want to kill him for it at the same time. We’re on the same team, but this dude is J.R. Smith. And the fact that the dog walker didn’t have a rebuttal to put this dude back in his place is infuriating. Oh wait, nevermind, he flashed his automatic weapon. That works too.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.