I dunno about you guys, but I LOVE when I’m present for horrible shit going down in public. I don’t care if it’s a breakup, a casual crop dusting that gets blame thrown around or some uptight chick at Starbucks flipping shit on the barista over the fact that he wrote her name wrong on her cup; watching public meltdowns is the best. At the worst it’s vaguely interesting enough to hold your attention, and at its best it’s a solid conversation starter for the next month or so.
It is with all of this in mind that I’m very sad to admit that I wasn’t the person who got the joy of live-tweeting the moment a girl found out who her boyfriend was cheating on her with in an unnamed coffee shop. Twitter user @jakeyorath, however, covered the entire event so no one would feel left out.
How thoughtful.
Getting coffee. Forgot headphones. Now immersed in the unfolding drama of ‘Tom’ dropping a girl home. He’s not been on Whatsapp for 3 hours.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
The girl told Ben, who has told this girl, and they know her, who knows him, who knows Tom, who knows the girl. Got it?
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
Her name might – or might not – be Lauren. Now the drama appears to be whether Ben and Tom are friends with ‘Lauren’ on Facebook. #drama
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
HE TWEETED SOMEONE CALLED LAUREN. TWEET POIROT IS IN THE BUILDING.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
“This is some serious investigating.” You’re not wrong, Girl Who Is Advising Girl Who Might Be Cheated On. RELATIONSHIPS ARE AT STAKE.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“Do you feel let down?” asks Girl Who Might Have Been Cheated On. ANSWER WISELY GIRL WHO IS ADVISING GIRL WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN CHEATED ON
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
“I REALY feel like her name’s Lauren though. I REALLY do.” Wait, Poirot isn’t so sure. The plot thickens.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
New development: Ben is the ex boyfriend of Girl Who Is Advising and may also have had some relations with ‘Lauren’. #plotthickens
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
“I feel like he’s a liar… I feel like he’s always full of shit.” Honestly, this relationship sounds great.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“You don’t even like him, really.” “I will actually stab him, serious.” “Doesn’t he remind you of someone off Made in Chelsea?”
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
Well, Tom picked her up from Buffalo. I’m afraid this is spiralling out of control.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
Well, Ben is providing some more information – but won’t confirm the name of the ‘other girl’. SOMEONE GET ME DENNY KRANE!
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
Now they’re about to tell someone else’s girlfriend that their boyfriend is cheating. These girls are going rogue!
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
It wasn’t Lauren! It was Sarah! AND SHE SENT HIM A SNAPCHAT LAST WEEK!
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
There are so many characters involved, I can’t keep up. It’s like Game of Thrones, but without the dragons.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
By the sounds of things, Tom will be lucky to make it out of this with his balls intact. In fact, he’ll be quite fortunate to be alive.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
It’s like Jojo’s hit single ‘Leave (Get Out)’. She’s been waiting all day, for you Tom, so won’t you come sit and talk to her? #itsatrap
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
Someone called ‘Dale’ is out to get Girl Who Might Have Been Cheated On. She knows it. She sounds sure, too. Must be true.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
Oh holy Christ, Tom is coming here.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
Girl Who Might Have Been Cheated On has left – presume the accused (or about to be accused) is going to meet her outside.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
“”
I wonder what state the pavement will be when I come out – will his battered and bloody remains be scattered over the pavement?
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
@jakeyorath Go outside, I need to know how this ends.
— James (@James_Thackray) November 18, 2014
“”
For those asking, no sign of Tom on the pavement. She might have taken him somewhere else to be killed, though.
— JY (@jakeyorath) November 18, 2014
Of COURSE there’s no sign of Tom on the pavement, what kind of idiot plans a premeditated murder in plain daylight out front of a coffee shop? Go check out back by the dumpster and I’m sure you’ll find his lifeless body being eaten by feral cats and the homeless man who’s usually skulking around the front door asking for spare change. Hobos gotta eat too, y’know.
[H/T Mirror, header image via Shutterstock]