Life
by Fitz E Fresh on November 21, 2012

Q: Before going out for weekly frat action; I downloaded some pre-game music from Brobible's column. The night started off as usual and we ventured to some random party. Long story short; by the end of the night I took this girl back to the house. I'm not that experienced and wanted to make her feel comfortable so I put on some music which I happen to enjoy. She didn't seem to mind; and it all went pretty smooth (**thank you Stereoshock for helping me get laid). Anyway; I'm curious ….are girls cool with music during sex? or is that a weird thing to do these days? Thanks.

A: Boner jams are usually a nice touch; as long as that isn't the title of your playlist, and its not too cheesy or planned. You get the rhythm going with the added bonus of drowning out the noise and making your house guest feel a little more comfortable.

Just try to avoid the obvious a la, Kelly Clarkson, Rage against the Machine or Nickelback.

Q: Tom Hardy or Chris Hemsworth? Feel free to interpret that question any way you want.

A: Who the fuck are those guys? Put in some real candidates like Christian Bale or Johnny Depp and then we can talk.

Q: Why do girls think that guys enjoy hand jobs or dry humping? Not every girl I've brought home has been such a disappointment, but there have been a few, which is enough to leave me baffled about this. I'm 22 and when a girl says she wants to come home with me, I assume that she knows my intentions. I do not go to the bar with hopes of ending my night by receiving a hand job (which I can do better myself) or a dry hump (which will probably leave me blue balled)

A: Look– handjobs are like The Patriots; everybody knows that no one likes them.

You're probably getting one because by the time you get her back to your place, she's sobered up enough to realize how annoying you are.

And dry humping? What the fuck? Who are you hooking up with, teenage girls in 1998? I didn't even know that shit was still around.  No offense or anything but it sounds like you've got a case of the tiny dick.

Q: So I met this girl in college and was friend zoned. Now after college, every once in a while she'll out of the blue send me a flirty text (saying my name and putting a bunch of y's at the end with exclamation points) and ask how I'm doing. This has happened a bunch of times now over the past year and more so since Sandy hit although a few times when we've tried to meet up she has kinda flaked. My question is, am I still in the friend zone and she just wants a platonic hangout or does she want to hookup?

A: Bad news, Joeyyyy; you're still in the friend zone. After all of this texting your relationship still hasn't reached a climax– which means you're shit out of luck for reaching one anywhere near her bed. Cut your losses and stop letting her string you along.

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