Life
by Victoria McKenzie on April 9, 2014

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We’re all guilty of telling white lies. Like when your girl comes out wearing a maxi dress that looks like a tent and asks you if you like her outfit. Since you’re already running fifteen minutes late you respond, “You look awesome, babe. Now let’s go.”

Does she look awesome? No. She looks like she’s wearing maternity clothes but you keep that to yourself. And on the bright side, no other guys will be hitting on her tonight.

We do the same thing but sometimes the lies women tell are a little bit more severe. Next time you hear one of these eight common lies—prepare to call bullshit.

“I’ve only been with three men.”

More like six. Sorry. She doesn’t want you to know about her one night stand on spring break and she definitely doesn’t want you to know about that crazy night she had at the frat house. She’s minimizing her number of partners so you think she’s the good girl you want her to be. Whatever number she gives you should be doubled because realistically that is closer to the truth. She also might not be including the ones that “don’t count.” Meaning it didn’t last long or they were drunk and she didn’t remember it the next day. But realistically, that shit still counts.

“I don’t like Valentine’s day either! Let’s not exchange.”

Riiiiiiiight. That’s a bold faced lie. She is telling you want she thinks you want to hear but then the resentment will build. She’ll get angry as she sees all the Instagram pics of roses, chocolates and teddy bears that other girls got from their boyfriends. Before you know it, she’s angry and yelling about something stupid like using the rest of the toilet paper and not replacing it with a new roll. So just know, when she says “I don’t want a gift” what she means is “surprise me with a gift.” I know it’s dumb but she is expecting you to read her mind. You’re telepathic, right?

“I’m fine with whatever it is we’re doing.”

No matter how “go with the flow” she seems, she’s eventually going to want you to show some type of commitment. Unless she is out hooking up with other people, she’s going to expect you to stop banging other chicks. The idea of hooking up with someone on Saturday after he was with someone the night before is pretty gross. Saying that she’s cool with “whatever it is you’re doing” is her way of trying to come off laidback. We know that being needy isn’t cute. So, she doesn’t want to pressure you but her chill persona about casually hooking up is probably just an act.

“I don’t mind guys’ night at all! Have fun.”

Yes and no. Guys’ night is different from girls’ night in that one of your bros will inevitably ask you to be his wingman. Even if you don’t actually cheat, you’re still at the bar picking up chicks with your buddy and flirting with hot girls. To be fair, she probably talks to guys when she’s out at girls’ night and accepts a free drink from the guy chatting up her friend. So, can she really get mad about that? Yes, yes she can because women are irrational. So while I can’t justify this lie I can tell you that she’s lying about not caring about your night with the bros.

“I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

I mean, let’s be honest. She totally would. She probably wishes you’d lose 10lbs or surprise her with flowers or go down on her more but your good qualities outweigh the bad. If they didn’t she wouldn’t be with you. So it’s easier to skip the complaining and highlight the good stuff. I’m not saying that her mushy texts aren’t genuine but if she sounds like a bad romantic comedy then she is probably exaggerating a little.

“I never weigh myself but I’m somewhere around X lbs.”

Not all women lie about their weight, but some do, and they do it for all kinds of reasons. And our reasons for doing it have nothing to do with you and everything to do with us. I never admit to my own weight. I say Blake Lively’s weight. Why do I do that? I can’t really tell you. Women have a mysterious relationship with the number on the scale and you just don’t want to interfere with that. If she does give you a number, just nod and compliment her on her skinny chin.

“I’ll be ready in a minute.”

A night out for us means showering, shaving half our body, moisturizing, brushing teeth, flossing, applying 57 different products, several layers of makeup, blowing out hair, styling hair and picking out an outfit that makes us feel trendy, sexy and skinny. So she will be another 30 minutes – if not an hour.

“You have the biggest dick I’ve ever seen.”

You probably don’t. But being enormous actually isn’t that desirable to us. It often hurts and complicates things. An average size or slightly above average feels a lot better and is easier to work with. Honestly, size matters a lot more to you guys then it does to us. Besides, saying “I love your mediocre sized cock” during sex isn’t nearly as satisfying. So, she might stretch the truth a little.

Follow this babe on Twitter @VikkiMoran

[Image via ShutterStock]