If you're a non-essential government employee, you've been drunk for nine days straight. This is understandable. 1. There are no jobs around that require sobriety. 2. You've got to figure out some way to cope with being called "non-essential." That just hurts, man.
So you're boozing it up. In alarmingly high numbers.
Luckily, someone has figured out a way to channel all that drunken, undirectioned rage into something constructive. The site is called "Drunk Dial Your Congressman." You find your remaining bottle of whiskey, drink it, enter your phone number, and the site will connect you to a random member of Congress. They've even provided talking points like...
I gave it a try but pussed out when my phone rang. The voicemail that was left—no joke—was a dude slurring out, "So in a minute, we're going to forward you to a member of Congress... and you can tell them what's on YOUR MIND and tell 'em to get back to work."
In reality, you're probably just getting hung up on by an overworked receptionist. Democracy, motherfucker.
Also, while we're on the subject: This picture going around the Internet today?
You know how it happened, right?
"Timmy, put on this stupid hat. We're going to the zoo. I know it's closed. Stop touching your hat STOP TOUCHING IT. Stand here and don't move. Daddy's getting so much fucking Reddit karma today."
[H/T: Daily Intelligencer]