Last weekend I took my first trip to Las Vegas and my head is still spinning from all the wonderment that the city had to offer. Between the bright lights, the dessert landscape, the buffets, the gambling, the free drinks at the table, the incredible shows, the bars, the unlimited amount of porno cards laying in the street and the hookers doing a barefoot walk of shame on the strip at 5 in the morning, I don’t know how anyone could say Vegas isn’t the best city in America. Anything and everything you could ever want is literally a phone call away and if you have the money, you can have it all. A lot of people are probably shaking their head right now saying things like, “That’s how any big city is in America” or, “Money can buy you anything, anywhere.” While in some instances that may be the case, at least in Vegas there is a common consciousness of, “I don’t give a f*ck, this is Vegas and I’m gonna go hard because that’s what Las Vegas means in Spanish… probably.” The city is the epitome of the American dream. Overindulgence is not only acceptable; it’s encouraged. This is a literal interpretation of how the average bro plans their night in Vegas:
“So after we throw-up from eating too much at The Wynn buffet we should gamble until we run out of money. Then we’ll get wasted and try and slam those girls from the pool earlier and if all else fails we’ll just get some hookers tonight and try and do it all again tomorrow with whatever we have left on our credit cards!”
I mean what’s better than planning a night like that? And the crazy thing is, every single night could be just like it! Now, I understand everything in moderation is important but in Vegas moderation = BORING. That’s why I encourage you to visit Las Vegas (probably for 2 or 3 days at the most or you will become a zombie) and see for yourself why it’s the best city in America (mostly the tits and free booze). I probably didn’t need to write this article since everyone has seen the Hangover at least once, but I felt obligated since I finally was able to witness the glory first hand and it did not disappoint… even though I lost like $800 on blackjack and craps ☹
Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who thinks that Las Vegas smells like a divorced cigarette. You can follow him on Twitter @sToTle.