Kim Jong Un Does Not Know The Difference Between Lobsters And Turtles, But To Be Fair They Both Have Shells So Idk

North Korea is kind of like that weird eccentric family member who’s 5x removed and who your parents refer to as “special” – yeah you find them interesting in a guilty pleasure sort of way, but when faced with the opportunity to go visit them in person you find yourself coming up with any excuse to avoid it.

“Nah sorry Mom, can’t see Uncle Herbert today because I’ve got a paper to write.”

“You graduated 4 years ago…”

“Yeah but my professor said he’d give me partial credit for turning it in late.”

So whenever news about North Korea pops up I can’t not click it, especially when it’s got a wonderful title like “Kim Jong Un is pissed at a turtle farm for not producing lobster.” How could you not click that? It’s so stupid and Onion-worthy that you know it’s gotta be true coming out of North Korea. Oh Kimmy, you and your silly hijinks.

During an inspection of a turtle farm in Taedonggang on the outskirts of Pyongyang, Kim was disappointed to find that the farm had not successfully bred freshwater lobster among several other “serious shortcomings,” according to A rare peek inside secretive North Korea

He “reproached” the farm for not doing enough to produce the freshwater lobster for the sake of the country, according to the report issued Monday. Kim’s Worker’s Party of Korea apparently sent the farm freshwater lobsters two years ago so that it might breed them, and things aren’t going exactly as planned.(via)

Kim Possible wants lobsters since the 70th anniversary of the founding of the Worker’s Party of Korea is coming up, and the lack of lobster could reportedly result in “grave consequences as impairing the prestige of the party.”

Quick question: do you know how to breed lobsters? Probably not, and if you needed to figure out how to do so where would you go to find out? Google. North Korea, of course, does not have Google, because keeping your citizens in the technological dark is great for the economic infrastructure of your country (not). As for Kim Jong Un: Hollywood’s direct reaction to why a turtle farm was not producing lobsters:

“He strongly criticized the shortcoming of its officials as a manifestation of incompetence, outmoded way of thinking and irresponsible work style,” read the report.

Kim also suggested some ways to remedy the issue, including installing cameras for “monitoring the interior of the breeding ground” and document any needed adjustments.(via)

Because staring at lobsters is gonna help them get in the mood to reproduce. Brilliance out of North Korea as usual.

Side note: crab is way better than lobster. Fuck lobster.

[H/T Mashable]