In my ideal world I’m hitched by the time I’m 27 and my husband makes enough money that I can sit around at home playing video games and spend my days dicking around doing whatever. Maybe I’ll have a job if I’m bored, or maybe I’ll hire a personal trainer so I can finally fulfill my dream of having a body like Miranda Kerr (just kidding I like cheeseburgers too much), but either way we’ll be financially secure to the point where I don’t have to give a shit.
Unfortunately for Eliot Garrido Guido’s wife, not only is her husband’s name a lame Jersey Shore knockoff, but her husband is a bum. You see, Eliot became unemployed after losing his job 3 months ago and instead of finding a new one and becoming a productive member of society, he decided to kidnap himself…for $450.
Dream big, guys.
An unemployed Mexican builder faked his own kidnapping so his wife would pay his $450 ransom.
Eliot Garrido Guido, 36, from Mexico City enlisted the help of his friend Carlos Amilcar Martinez Reyes, 42, to stage the kidnapping and take photographs of him tied up an gagged.
Mexican authorities believe that Guido was embarrassed that his banker wife earned more money than him so worked on his devious plan.
So instead of sitting back with a Corona and being happy that your wife makes the big bucks in the relationship, Eliot decided to go and fuck everything up. Classic “Grass is greener on the other side” situation here, except it’s more “Everything here is perfect except for the gaping $450-sized hole in my heart” and “Gee whiz, I’ve always wanted to be kidnapped!”-esque.
Now it’s one thing to be so dumb as to not realize when you’ve got it made, but it’s another entirely to irrevocably fuck up kidnapping yourself. Literally all you have to do is disappear for a little while and then show back up; think of it as a mini vacation minus any friends and family. But nah, fucking Eliot can’t even get that right.
Reyes brought his friend to a derelict house, tied him up, sat him on a stool and took photographs of him as part of the fake kidnap plot…
According to the wife: ‘When I saw the message and the photos I couldn’t believe what was happening.
‘The kidnappers had demanded 7,000 Pesos ($450), and said my husband was being tortured.
‘They said they would kill him if I didn’t pay up.
‘I was seriously worried but when I contacted them they said I should leave the money at an address in Mexico City.
‘I asked them why I should do that if they were in Playa del Carmen, and they just said do it.
‘But it didn’t make sense so I contacted the police.’
After a brief investigation police found Eliot and his friend hiding out in a house about 900 feet away and the two now face 5 years in jail.
[H/T Daily Mail, header image via Shutterstock]