John Reed is a guy that goes out in the woods and looks for Bigfoot. I guess that’s why he looks like that. So when a bunch of rowdy teens came up and shook his godforsaken trailer recently, he immediately assumed it was ol’ Harry Henderson trying to make contact.
[He] claims the mythical beast attacked his motor home and threw rocks at it, terrifying him and his girlfriend before fleeing into some woods.
Reed said the harry man-ape smashed out the lights of his 1973 Dodge Winnebago while he and his gal pal were camping out in a state park in Jackson Township earlier this month.
Reed described the attacker as large, hunched and hairy.
"It wasn't a person. I didn't see any clothes or coat or anything like that," the 39-year-old, who is a member of Lykens Valley Sasquatch Hunters, told The Patriot-News newspaper.
"I don't think it was bear. It didn't move like a bear."
Reed would know, too. He probably pays attention and shit in his made-up club of people looking for things that don’t exist.
"I'm sure it wasn't a group of kids in the woods messing around," he said. "I would have seen them or heard them."
Case closed, folks. Case closed.