There are a lot of words you can call a girl to get under her skin. Slut, bitch... the dreaded “C” word. No matter what she does, there’s always an insult to associate with her name that will bring her down a peg. What women don’t realize is that they have the power to do the exact same thing. Well, they do realize it, they just don’t do it right. “Asshole!” Really? Asshole? That’s it? All that says is that I did something bad and hurt your feelings. You’re not gaining any leverage by calling me an asshole. It just makes me look more in control. I have no problem with being an asshole. Assholes are successful.
Here’s a list of the top 10 worst names you can call a guy.
Sounds like a pretty lame insult, right? But when you break it down, and analyze what they’re really saying, it’s pretty rough. Like, you’re a fucking chicken! A total bitch! An absolute wuss. It basically says that you’re afraid, and any man with the slightest bit of pride is NOT AFRAID. “No one calls me chicken…”
Loser. Deadbeat. Failure. Such a brutal thing to call a guy. You can’t accomplish things. Can’t pay your rent? Loser. Can’t afford to take your girlfriend to dinner? Fucking DEADBEAT. Few things in life worse than being referred to as a ‘deadbeat."
I’ve been called a clown quite a few times. I guess I’m kind of a fucking clown? Don’t really take many things seriously, always goofing around and shit. Just because I admit that I can be a clown doesn’t make the insult hurt any less. I CAN BE SERIOUS ABOUT THINGS! I CAN HAVE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATIONS! I’m not just some fucking court jester! Who am I kidding? I’m a clown.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Slow your roll, bitch. If we can’t call you a cunt, then you sure as fuck can’t make jokes about our small dicks. Literally taking shots below the belt with that one. If you’re a chick, and you start throwing around penis insults, you’d better be prepared for a severe tongue lashing. And you better pray no one’s around, or at least no one that you don’t want knowing about your slightly hairy asshole or the weird stains in your underwear.
Pretty simple. Pretty harsh. No one wants to be a creep. Being known as a creep has to be one of the worst things ever. Like, if a guy gets called a creep, I automatically assume he goes out at night and looks at people through their windows. Just creepin’ the whole town out. Fuck creeps. I’m no creep.
Most guys will hear this and say “So, I get laid a lot! Where’s the insult in that?” Manwhore is not a phrase used to compliment you on your many victories. It says you fuck anything that will fuck you back. Fat chicks. Ugly chicks. You name it, you fuck it. Probably more than once. Not very nice at all.
Ouch. I get this one sometimes, and what hurts the most is that everyone involved, myself included, knows that I’m not attractive. You couldn’t change your own oil if your life depended on it. You spend more time in the bathroom post shower than twin sisters. Fucking pipsqueak. It’s basically like hearing someone say “you’re not even a real man”.
There’s no way to joke about someone using the word scumbag. It’s reserved for people you can’t stand. Being a scumbag is about as low as it gets. If someone calls you a scumbag, even if it’s a close friend, it’s instant defense mode. “I’m a scumbag? You’re a fucking scumbag! Remember that time you stole $10 from your grandmother’s purse, and she had to call your mom to borrow money for milk because she was flat broke? YEAH! FUCKING SCUMBAG!”
“Mooch.” Ew. It even sounds gross, like the sound a cunt makes. Always lingering, smoking up peoples' weed, waiting for the bill to come to realize they don’t have any money. No one wants to be called a mooch. “You can’t afford things” is all I hear when I hear mooch. Ninty-five percent of the time, it’s used behind peoples' backs, but that 5% of the time, when it’s face to face mooch calling… Yikes. Awkward city.
I’m voting pervert to be the #1 insult you can call a man. Pervert fucking SUCKS! You have to do a lot of disgusting things to be a pervert. If a chick wants to be malicious, all she has to do is turn to you on a crowded subway car and say “Fucking PERVERT.” Boom. You’re public enemy #1 on that car. Half the people are going to wonder what you did, the other half already hate your guts. You can sit there and look as shocked as you want, but it’s not going to change anything. Just make you look more like a fucking perv. Don’t call me a pervert until you have proof, like my Internet browsing history at 4:30am on a Saturday.
So there you have it. Got anymore? Let me know on Twitter (ec_508)
[Pervert image via ShutterStock]