Life
by J. Camm on April 22, 2014

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So this entire post is comprised of dating advice from a 1938 PSA on how women should act on a date that has been floating around the Internet today and is probably well worth your time if you ever want to find a husband, ladies. Ok, that’s a lie, but laughing at the sexism of yesteryear is always a blast so let’s begin…

Note: I’ll assume you all have good enough eyes or glasses to read the captions on the photos because I just don’t have the energy to transcribe them. 

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Burt has sexy hair. Far sexier than your date, Keith. But be that as it may, keep your fucking paws out of Burt’s hair during dinner.

 

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This PSA clearly took place during a time before National Geographic hit the scene and made saggy, elf-shoe tits all the rage with men. (Note to self: check the Internet later to see if “NatGeo Tits” is its own porn fetish category. If no, create it. Then $$$$$.)

 

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Small talk while dancing does nothing for the boner he’s created through grinding on your thigh. Failure to recognize that is reckless.

 

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Some things transcend time. This no-talking-about-your-stupid-clothes advice is one of those things.

 

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Knowing that you weren’t born with fire-red lips and unblemished skin will only ruin his day. You don’t want to ruin his day, do you?

 

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AH GEEZE, YOU’VE RUINED HIS DAY. The look on his face says: “All I said was you look stupid in that hat. If you didn’t want me to say that, you shouldn’t have worn a stupid hat.”

 

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Yes, ladies. This is crucial information. After he makes you cry over your idiotic hat, it’s never a good idea to get revenge by finger fucking his ear. That kind of behavior doesn’t land a guy like Keith here as your husband.

 

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My GOD, Keith is stewing over her familiarity with this headwaiter.

 

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That’s the most, “I’m this close to homicide” face I’ve ever seen.

 

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Yes, never, EVER look bored even if you are. After all, if this man wants to take you as a wife it doesn’t matter how you unenthused you are by him. His mere presence is a privilege and the fact that he’s stuck around — after you felt-up Burt’s head, wore a stupid hat, talked about your clothes, ruined his dance boner, sullied his favorite handkerchief, and lived through you finger blasting his ear — is nothing short of a goddamn miracle.

Ah, this was fun. Pointless as all hell, but fun nonetheless.

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J. Camm

About J. Camm...

J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.