Here’s How To Take The Perfect Shower — First Tip Involves A Crazy Idea About NOT Washing Your Junk

Has anyone ever aspired to the “perfect shower”? The Week seems to think so. They published a how to on all things shower-related.

It’s not the dumbest thing I’ve ever read (remember, I get emails from readers) but most of the suggestions are common knowledge. They break it down by activity, including shaving, face, body and get into the issue of shower pissing. It’s actually quite entertaining.

The article also makes some great points about two very important areas of the human anatomy — the genitals and the feet.

Having taken care of yourself from the top down, now it’s time to turn to your feet. Traditions around the world emphasize the importance of washing one’s feet. Ironically, many Americans ignore this last, important step in the shower, mistakenly thinking the runoff from cleaning the rest of them will somehow remove the dirt, bacteria, and dead skin from this critical part of the body. Concluding your shower with a good all-over scrub of your feet with your Salux cloth (using a pumice stone on the bottoms if your feet are especially dirty or calloused) just makes good hygienic sense. Clean feet smell nice, look good, and don’t stink. Why not?

Here’s the truth — stank feet will keep you from getting laid. Take off the socks and if she smells any funk, she’s gone. Foot odor is probably more offensive than taint stank. Speaking of…

The external genitalia of both men and women need to be cleaned just like the rest of the body. However, given the sensitivities of these areas, this is best done with the hand, not a cloth … and, believe it or not, the water of the shower is probably all you need. If you feel you really need to use your surfactant-free soap on your groin and (for guys) testicles and (ladies) external labia, then whatever you do… keep that soap away from the areas where your outside turns into your inside. Both urologists and gynecologists agree; soap in these places is as unnecessary and potentially harmful as soap in the eye.

Both genders should clean their external genitals front to back, finishing with the perianal area. As with every other part of the body, rinse well both front and back.

You heard them, keep soap about away from dick. Especially the eyehole. That burns like a mother.

[via The Week]

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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.