by Victoria McKenzie on November 30, 2012

Junk Mail Gets Deleted for a Reason
Keep in mind that there are a few things you’re going to want to avoid. For example, a close-up picture of your cock isn’t all that enticing. Please do not randomly send a close-up shot of the family jewels to a girl. The image will come as a total shock and probably get passed around to a few of her girlfriends. This doesn’t work the same way for us as it does for you. It’s really difficult to take a bad boob shot. You would be really excited about a picture of our boobs but that’s a one way street. Almost any picture of your junk is a bad picture. Even if you have genitals that appear to be carved by the gods, keep it off her iPhone. If you find a girl that’s into it then by all means snap away. I highly recommend using snap chat as it auto-deletes after a few seconds. Also, use your own penis. Don’t go Google image searching for a picture of a large dick that isn’t yours. Even if you find a dumb blonde that you think you can fool, she will eventually realize that it is not your own when you’re not black.

Find Your Shared Comfort Zone
Sexting usually starts innocently enough with something like “I want you so badly right now.” It’s good to start slow and work your way up. Don’t get too graphic and kinky early in the game. You may never get a response. Good rule of thumb is to only be sexting girls that you’ve actually have had sex with. That way you know what she’s into and what will turn her on. It’s also hot to reminisce about the last time you hooked up through detailed description. “Remember when I lifted you up against that wall, you wrapped your legs around me and I carried you over to the pool table?” Um, YES. She will definitely respond to that one.

Beware of Drunk Sexting and Auto Correct
If I could attach a breathalyzer to my phone that automatically locks when my alcohol levels are high, I would. No one wants to receive a jumble of misspelled words that sound like a synopsis of a really bad porno. On that same note, no one wants to wake up to a bunch of sent messages that appear to be in another language except for the occasional “tits” and “cock.” She won’t put much time into decoding your attempted sext and probably won’t respond with anything more than a “lol.” Auto Correct can also ruin the moment. As a test, I just quickly typed “I want you to cum” into my 4S.  I got “I want you ovum.” Ovum: noun – A mature female reproductive cell that can divide and give rise to an embryo after fertilization by a male cell. Origin: Early 18th century Latin word for “egg.” This proves my point. If you have an iPhone beware the dangers of Auto Correct. Especially if you’re typing fast with one hand…

Mood Killers
Refrain from sending any of the following:

1. Someone’s got a boner! :)
2. LOL
3. This is so much better than actually having sex
4. I want you ovum
5. Who is this?
6. My phone’s dying

Have fun. ;) ttyl

Xo, McKenzie