Life
by Fitz E Fresh on October 31, 2012

Q: Okay, there is this girl that I find incredibly attractive and surprisingly, I think I have a shot with her. Unfortunately, her best friend wants to hook up with me. Her friend also just invited me to a sorority function and my dumb ass, not wanting to be an asshole, said yes. How do I dodge this one girl in order to get to her best friend?

A: You've gotten yourself into quite the sticky situation here, especially since the sisterhood is involved. So, a little Srat Insider Information to help you out of this bind– if you ever want a shot with said hot chick, you need to back out on hot chick's friend in the most speedy and humane manner possible. An overlooked midterm, the loss of a family dog…any excuse that allows you to retreat from the obligation, and hide your face that night.

Then, after a few weeks pass and you have severed any and all communication with the girl you don't like, start planting seeds with her hot friend. As long as you don't hook up with the girl you don't like, you don't come out of this looking like a terrible guy. 

Q: I live quite a ways away from the bar scene. Is it unbrosmen like conduct to invite a girl back to another bros pad?

A: Well bro, sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. But make such a bold move, make sure you cover your bases.

Inform your hospitable friend of the impending sleepover, and apologize to both him and your new snuggle buddy for any inconvenience. Don't be loud, make the bed (or couch…not ideal), and maybe even pick up bagels in the morning.

Because let's be honest- nobody's happy about someone else fucking in their personal space; so be respectful, and try to avoid a repeat for at least the next few months.

If she tries to hook up with you and you refuse her, then turn and try to get with her friends, your efforts to “not be the asshole” will then turn you into the asshole; and you my friend, will be shit out of luck.

Q: Do girls like bros with nipple piercings? I just recently got mine done and I like how they look but what does the average chick think of them?

A: Gross, bro. Are you in Myrtle Beach? I hope you're blackout right now while posing this question, because you shouldn't need to seek advice on the answer to it in any other situation. Nipple piercings should be reserved for guidos and carnies only– so if that's your thing, then my answer… is still no– girls do not dig that shit.

Q: O.K., Fresh. I have a pretty simple question that I think most girls bullshit about. I feel like whenever a girl is asked what she looks for in a guy, many quickly say something like “he has to have a sense of humor” or “he has to make me laugh.” I want to know if that is actually true because my gut/common sense is telling me otherwise. I feel like I'm a brah with a decent sense of humor (I watch adult swim!). My fault if this is a stupid question, but it seems like time and time again instead of gravitating towards the actually funny dude that they tell people they want, girls just laugh at whatever the soulless, good-looking dude says and eventually go home with the latter guy. Am I right in thinking that the whole “he has to be funny” thing is just a cruel charade? Am I seeing through the bullshit? Would you bang Seth Rogan?

A: Let's get a couple of things straight here. First of all, watching adult swim by no means make you funny–if you were funny, you would know that.
And second of all, no; of COURSE I wouldn't bang Seth Rogan. Sure he's funny as shit, but so was Chris Farley. Rest in peace– but you get the picture.

To your actual point: yes; a sense of humor is VERY important. Sure the hot guy nabs a few extra one night stands — but If a dude can't make me laugh, it means that he's boring, unintelligent, and just not going to keep my attention for more than a few weeks.

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