Back in the day, a day before I was even born, body hair was not as big of an issue. So what brought on this generation of wannabe hairless ferrets? Some have attributed the trend to the proliferation of pornography. In an attempt to channel their inner Alexis Texas, women started making the monthly trip to Brazil courtesy of their bikini waxers. What once was the concern of bodybuilders, male models and porn stars has now become totally mainstream.
At first I’m sure it didn’t feel very masculine to remove your body hair. I assume that when you first started growing a mustache or chest hair you felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Similar to the feeling I had when I went from my training bra to the real deal. Manscaping has become not only socially acceptable but a social norm. Plus, the visual impact of your trimming may overwhelm you. Prepare for your exposed genitals to appear larger and for more women to feel comfortable going down on them. Women find a cleanly shaved scrotum to be more desirable. It says “it’s okay to put your mouth here.”
Shaving your balls with a razor or electric groomer is really the only option for the genitals. Brazilians hurt; trust me. I don’t have balls but if I did I think I’d rather have them coddled by my mother than waxed. Should you decide to trim and shave (which you should) be warned that when the hair starts growing back it will be an itchy experience. Don’t panic, you probably don’t have crabs and guys fondle themselves in public as it is so no one will find it strange when you start scratching.
So what about chest hair? I think a little chest hair is sexy but looking like a Woolly Mammoth isn’t. Neither is back hair. Here is the big dilemma. Men’s body hair grows at an alarming rate. Imagine getting 5 o’clock shadow on your entire body? You can shave your chest before a night out but by the time you get home with your slampiece you will feel like a porcupine.
If you’re a manly man with the fuzz on your back to prove it, waxing is really your only option. But don’t go to your local Asian nail salon for a wax job. They use strip wax which is cheap and painful, they don’t do a thorough job and contrary to what you might have heard they don’t offer happy endings. Splurge for a salon that uses blue wax. It makes all the difference in the world. (European Wax Center has salons across the U.S. and is moderately priced). While you’re there, you may want to ask them to take a look at your eyebrows. Super groomed brows scream gay but I’d just like to throw out the friendly reminder that there should be two. There is no shame in getting your unibrow corrected. Word to wise: inhale as they swipe the wax on and exhale as they yank the fur out of your hair follicles.