Well, Halloween is almost here, so it’s time for the obligatory Halloween article. We all already know that Halloween is the single greatest night of the year for a Bro. You don’t need another prick like me telling you that, you’re not stupid. What I can do, is tell you how college is like a year-round Halloween fest.

It’s obvious isn’t it? Halloween is the night that chicks dress up like sluts and have no qualms with acting as they dress. If you can’t get laid on Halloween, you are dying a virgin. Tell me then, where is the difference between that and a college campus? There’s some magical power that colleges have to loosen a girl’s morality. It’s like they’ve all decided before they even get there that they’re going to whore it out for four years (or more if they go to grad-school, man, those grad-student girls are hungry.) Maybe it’s because of all the stuff they see in the movies? If so, THANK YOU HOLLYWOOD! You can remake crappy sexual exploration at college movies all you want! Maybe it’s a following the pack thing. Maybe they do it just because they can. Who knows, and who cares?

It’s seriously too easy in college, like knocking on someone’s door and getting free candy. Just get the girl drunk, and you’re in. Or, even easier, if you get a girl to do a little experimenting with a certain green plant, she’ll want to do a little experimenting with said plant’s effects during sex. The most tight-ass girl in high school will become Pamela Anderson (she’s kind of old actually, so how about Tori Black instead) once she reaches college. It’s like if the baby gift-wrapped and put a bow on his candy before he just handed it to you. A word of advice; the loudest guy at the party always seems to get laid, sometimes even if he’s belligerent. Why? No clue, but it happens. Don’t believe me? Watch closely at the next party you’re at, or just try it out yourself.

Then there’s obviously the dressing up aspect. You’ve got spirit week and sporting events where girls will dress up, or down really. On Halloween, it really is more dressing down. If it would take Sacajawea to locate a girl’s skin, then it ain’t Halloween. More like Sacaja-blowme, you prude! On that note, look for a girl dressed up as Sacajawea this Halloween. A spiritual costume is always a good sign. Plus, the Native Americans were conservative with the amount of cloth they used in their clothes. Skin will be easy to spot.

It’s actually pretty funny, the transformation Halloween goes through as you get older. When you’re little, it’s about dressing up as your favorite character, spending time with your parents and eating too much chocolate. When you’re older, it’s about dressing up as something stupid, spending time with your friends and drinking too much alcohol. It’s just like the transformation girls go through when they reach their freshman year of college. The stick comes out of their ass, so you can put yours in its place.