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Hot Drunk Girl Dashes Bro’s Hopes When She Turns Around and Realizes She’s Grinding With a Nerd

By / 05.28.14

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I’ve studied this video like it’s the Zapruder Film. There’s so much to take in. While the official account of events according to Worldstar Hip Hop is that this hot chick “did him so wrong” because she “gets mad when she sees the guy’s face she was grinding on,” after a couple viewings, I began to doubt the authenticity of these claims.

Here is how I think things really went down:

1. Hot Drunk Girl is having the time of her life dancing around to “Teach Me How to Dougie.” This is her world, and we’re just living in it. At the :08 mark, she’s approached by Female 1. Female 1 whispers something in her ear, and points to Nerd King, who stands sheepishly in front of them.

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Based purely on my own intuition, I believe Female 1 whispered something along the lines of, “hey, my friend, Nerd King, thinks you got that fat ass, and he’s a bit shy, but he wants to know what it would feel like rubbed up against his junk.” It’s clear in the video that at this moment, Hot Drunk Girl gets a full frontal view of Nerd King, face and all. She knows what she’s getting into prior to the grind.

2. Because she is drunk and a benevolent person, Drunk Hot Girl agrees to humor Female 1’s request. She assumes the position and begins grinding on Nerd King. This is a period that we’ll call “The Blissful Stage.”

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All is going well between the two. Hot Drunk Girl has someone to appreciate her moves, and Nerd King knows what it’s like to experience a nice dumper. She even goes the extra mile by throwing in a couple toe touches and other sexy moves. Things are looking quite turnt.

3. The Blissful Stage lasts from about 0:11-0:45, and then, things take a turnt for the worse. Presumably, this is when Hot Drunk Girl gets a gander at who she’s been grinding with, and recoils with disgust. But, as I pointed out earlier, she already saw what he looked like! I believe that Hot Drunk Girl’s reaction of disgust was actually in response to something whispered in her ear by Nerd King. At :46, you can clearly see her listening intently, as Nerd King’s lips are moving.

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What is said? Only the two of them and God will ever know. We can venture guesses – “Can you take off your pants?” “Are you my girlfriend?” “Want to go see Kevin Costner’s latest movie Draft Day?” But it’s all conjecture. Regardless of what he whispers, she definitely doesn’t seem to appreciate it, which is why she reacts the way she does – a shriek of “NOOO!” and a face of utter repulsion.

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4. Now is when we enter the post-whisper period, known as “The Reawakening.” Hot Drunk Girl and Nerd King have parted ways, Nerd King having revealed his true self, and Hot Drunk Girl feeling foolish for having humored Female 1’s request. She deals with the incident with poise and grace by rapping along to “Teach Me How to Dougie” while pointing at Nerd King in accusatory manner. It’s as if she’s saying, “you can’t kill my party spirit. I am a Drunk Hot Girl, and I am here to stay.”

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Bless you, Hot Drunk Girl. I am on your team, and support your handling of the situation. But like all conspiracies, accounts differ. I encourage you to check out the video for yourself and form your own opinion.


TAGSdrunk girlsgrindinghot girlnerd
Brandon Cohen
About Brandon Cohen... Brandon Cohen was raised by Jew gypsies on the sleepy island of Manhattan, and went on to defy the odds by graduating from a four-year accredited university in Nashville, TN. He's a writer and aspiring street fight videographer. Back in 2008, Brandon talked to Amanda Bynes at a club in LA for over fifteen minutes.

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