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Q: As a white Bro with an extensive sneaker collection (lots of Jordans) Do girls think I'm just pretending to be black or do they actually like the style? Thanks.
A: As long as you're not sporting your kicks with Sean Jean sweatpants and a pawnshop grill, I dig your swag, white boy. Good for you for venturing outside of the Sperry box and into a realm unknown to most whitebread frattier types: individuality.
Q: I graduated college and will be away on business during my girlfriend's formal. Because of this she wants to find a guy friend to bring to her formal but I'm not so cool with it. I entirely trust her but don't like the thought of her dressing up and being with another guy. Am I insecure or am I right to feel this way?
A: Of course you don't like the thought of your girlfriend being drunkenly twirled around by some other dude—that's understandable.
But you and I both know that when it comes down to it, long distance is all about compromise, and you have to think of her needs too. As a girl, sometimes having a stand-in dude on your arm for one night of dancing is enough to hold you over until you get to really be with the one you want.
She'll appreciate you trusting her—and will probably drunk dial you before bed to remind you of that.
Q: So the other night at a party, some chick kept grabbing my ass. It happened a few times and I didn't see who this feel-copper was and when I finally saw her, I didn't pursue (she was a 4 and I was not that drunk). My question is why would a girl grab a dude's ass? And should I sue for sexual harassment?
A: Same reason you'd want to grab a girl's butt—because it's juicy and round and fun to grab on. Who can help grabbing a butt that just looks irresistibly grab-able?
Re: your proposed lawsuit, you could give it a try, but chances are the judge would find the alleged butt grabber not guilty on the grounds of you having a bodacious badunk.
Q: I am studying abroad this semester and had the opportunity to go to Oktoberfest in Munich and rage my face off with a bunch of my buddies. On the train back out of Germany, a German girl sat next to me. She was god damn gorgeous; spoke really good English (and had been in America for a year). We talked for the whole train ride and at the end she invited me to come and stay with her for a weekend around Christmas for this festival in her city. Normally, I'd be thinking I'd just been given free tickets to go south of the border, but she never really seemed flirtatious. I’m going in a few weeks and am not sure what to expect. Whats going on here?
A: If nothing else, that's some spontaneous and exciting shit. Good for you. Europeans are weird, though, and even when it comes to emotional advances, it requires a translator. Sometimes their over friendly behavior can be misinterpreted by sheltered and presumptive Americans, like yourself, which can make expectations tough.
Anyways, I say fuck it. You're only in Europe for so long, so you might as well go all out. Consider it an "experience," whether or not she ends up giving you the experience you'd hoped for.
Q: I was taking a poop here and a girl came up to me and began to stroke my hair and was making moves? What would the appropriate action be if this keeps happening?
A: I have no doubt that this question was made up. But if in fact it were true, the appropriate action would be to finish pooping, wash your hands with soap and water for 60 seconds, spray some Febreeze then resume the flirting on a couch rather than a toilet.
Submit your Ask a Babe questions here