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Meet the Horny 30-Year-Old Men Who Try to Pick Up College Girls on Spring Break

By / 04.03.14

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I can’t imagine being a girl on a college spring break is all that fun. From being constantly vigilant to ensure your drink isn’t tampered with to fending off advance after advance from drunk, aggressive frat bros, it seems like it just might suck.

Well, add to those problems another menace: 30-year-old dudes from New York City who fly down to Panama City and Fort Lauderdale and Cancun to smash that sweet college ass. And who think they’re the shit for doing so. From the New York Post:

Drew Stevens and David Sheaf are standing in the sand, tossing a football back and forth as the hot Fort Lauderdale sun beams down on their naked torsos. All around, 19-year-old girls form gossipy groups, their burns nearly as neon as their DayGlo pink bikinis.

Stevens, a 32-year-old owner of a pool company in Hilton Head, SC, and Sheaf, a 28-year-old engineer in Washington, DC, have been revisiting the ghosts of spring breaks past every year since graduating from the University of South Carolina.

They say it’s more fun because they have money, which is true. Going back to a college atmosphere when you are fully employed is awesome. But Ha! that’s just their rouse. These bros aren’t here for a cheap drinking experience.

For single men in the city, spring break is a chance to relive their college glory days — and to add a notch or two to their Brooks Brothers belts.

“It’s all about the spring break mentality,” according to 31-year-old Justin, who lives in Midtown and also asked that his last name not be used for professional reasons.

“It’s easier to get laid,” he clarifies.

Hmmm. I wonder why Justin wouldn’t want his name to be used? Could it be the accusations of statutory rape that would ensue if he did? But, brah, he says, it’s not like that. It’s just about fucking in the sun.

“I could run around New York City and bang as many girls as I do on spring break, but it’s not the same feeling,” says Justin. “You’re out in the sun, the all-inclusive thing is great. It’s always a great time. I never come back wondering why I did that.

Justin, you are aware there are beaches with women that aren’t overrun with coeds, right? Like you could go to the Outer Banks. Or, if you really wanted an all-inclusive thing—all-inclusive resorts are my jam, YO—Turks and Caicos. Places where girls who can’t handle their liquor like a 31-year-old man might not be. Nevermind. That’s not a douchebag’s style. But you know what is? Sick suites at the W to impress the teens.

Joaquin says when he went on his first proper spring break (while still enrolled in college), he had to ration his funds down to the last dollar.

But when he went to Miami at the age of 31, he and his three friends plopped down thousands for the “911” suite at the W Hotel.

The year before, his prowling pack of seven secured a row of pricey poolside rooms at Miami’s Shore Club.

And apparently, these motherfuckers have no qualms, whatsoever.

The W suite was equally conducive to wooing the ladies.

After one night of clubbing, the former football player brought home a college sophomore who, he says, was in awe of his sprawling digs.

“She probably has a bunk bed and a roommate and a desk and wooden chair. She was clearly impressed.”

For Joaquin, his age — and experience — has only worked to his advantage while hitting the college vacay circuit.

“My angle was, this is what it is. I’m 10 years older than you, but guess what, I like to drink and party, too. You want to go drink Bud Lights or you want to go drink Champagne?”

Well, I’m gonna end this now. Anymore and I might puke. You can keep reading here, if you want.


[H/T @maureenoco]


TAGScollegePedophilesPedophiliaprobablyregular rapeSpring BreakStatutory rape
David Covucci
About David Covucci... David Covucci is writerer-bloggerer for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at david.covucci@brobible.com.

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