Life
by Reggie Noble on August 27, 2012

Most college campuses have these smoking hot babes that drive around in a Mini Cooper handing out Red Bull to anybody and everyone. While most GDIs were thinking, “Aw sweet, Red Bull,” I had other plans in mind. After a few minutes of charming and spitting game, I naturally had to give this smokeshow my number. Unfortunately, the semester was ending, and I was heading up north.

Fast forward to Welcome Week. Tired from moving freshmen all morning, my Bros and I began festivities at  2 p.m.

After a call to Red Bull girl, our fridge in our suite was stacked. I thanked her generous gesture with the offer that any kind gentleman would extend: an invite for these girls to party with us. She accepted.

The way our campus is set up, there are four 14-story towers right behind all the frat houses, which makes going to the house and back quite easy.

After taking the girls up to the suite for a scenic view of the city (and plenty of Jager bombs), we headed to the frat house for a few games of pong. Seeing as there were two babes and myself, I grabbed my main wingman.

Two wins later, we stepped out onto the back porch, where the girls began trash-talking and making excuses for their loss. Confident that they’d beat us in pong, we took them back to the suite for some pong with — higher stakes.

We agreed to strip pong. We won the first, and off came the tops. Second game concluded with yet another victory, but they were nervous to show their hooters. I offered to them the cop-out of keeping their tops on as long as both of them kissed both of us. They agreed, and we began kissing.

After sucking face with these babes, we headed back to the table where we proceeded to beat them over and over. This went on until we were in our boxers and they had nothing but bra and panties on.

Midway through this, my suitemate stormed out yelling at his girlfriend at the time, “I CANT BELIEVE IT, WE'RE DONE!!! YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THAT KID?!?”

Frozen. We didn't know what to do, so we just decided to get back to the games. Just to escalate things further, we played flip or strip (self-explanatory), and shortly enough they were topless and we were naked.

They faced off for who would go first to take pants off, and right as the loser started to pull her pants down, my suitemate comes storming back in yelling, “F*CK F*CK CAN WE NOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW!!”

We froze, watched him charge into to his room, and we realized why he was so pissed. Following him into the room was not only the area coordinator, but also two police officers. We were ordered to get our clothes on, they wrote us up, and they sent my wingman home.

As for the girls, the cops said they needed to stay here, so I offered up my single where I had both a futon and a bed. After the cops left, I went back into my room for what seemed to be an inevitable threesome, only to find another one of my suitemates in there talking to them. Knowing I had just gotten cock-blocked hard and a threesome was impossible at that point, I walked one girl to back to her car, and then headed back to the dorm to ride the next one out until the sun rose.

OK, now I am sad. Important lesson there about counting your chickens before they’re hatched. The terms “inevitable” and “threesome” should rarely be used in the same sentence. After all, they’re always an unexpected gift from God. Speaking of …

So it started when my cop friend was asked to watch his boss’ house, (who happens to be the chief of police) while he was out of town.  It was during the summer so my friend and I decided we would take advantage of this opportunity and have some girls over to swim and drink.

Easy going, easy bang type of night. Unfortunately it was harder than usual to scramble some girls together so we decide to take a taxi to a local bar. We down a bottle of Three Olives and head out.

It’s college night and we get to the bar. It’s dead.  So we exchanged some twenty-dollar bills for singles and headed to the local strip club. We get there and it’s closing.

The taxi driver dropped us off at another bar that happens to be ten times worse than the first so we decide we have to bail. We called several friends for rides in desperation.

When that failed we came up with “the plan.”

We would walk back to the first sh*tty bar and pick up whoever we could and use them for a ride home. So we walk almost two miles back to this hole-in-the-wall dive bar and start playing pool. Within five minutes a MILF comes over and says, “you guys playing pool?” No we’re just holding these sticks waiting for some dumb lady to give us a ride home.

So we leave the bar and head to her car. Mission accomplished. Or so we thought.

On the way to the car she asks whose house it is. My friend immediately throws me under the bus and says it’s mine. No big deal, I guess. We get back and continue drinking in the kitchen. She sees the chief’s uniform on a chair in the kitchen at which point the lies just wouldn’t stop. I must have set a world record for making stuff up. I was an unmarried 29-year-old chief of police who owned this huge ass house all by myself. The pictures of the kids all over the house were my nieces and nephews, of course. So we keep drinking until my friend suggests I give a tour of the place. I look at him and try not to laugh because I have no idea how to navigate the house. I’m opening doors to pantries and garages. It’s ridiculous but this chick is dumb. The three of us finally get to the bedroom and jump into bed. We turn on the TV and the MILF starts giving me a hand job, which quickly turns into a BJ.

Five minutes later, my buddy and I are hitting it from both ends. Finish up, walk her to her car, and that’s it.  Ride home, check. Bang MILF while impersonating a police officer, check.

So remember, when some nights seem like they’re going to be sh*tty they can end with a good story and you double-teaming a MILF with one of your Bros.

Did you also have access to handcuffs and a service revolver? Those two things could have really gotten the juices flowing. 

About Reggie Noble...

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