Today we've got 4 Hook-Up Heroes stories for you. One is even courtesy of a current intern here at the BroBible. As always, we need more stories to keep this train running so if at one point in your life you've blown a frothy load and it was awesome and/or embarrassing please consider sharing it with the world by submitting it here. Also, be sure to put Hook-Up Heroes in the subject line.
I'm pretty sure the moral of this first story is that "love conquers all."
Last summer I was dating my ex girlfriend off and on. In January, we broke up and were on bad terms and we didn't speak again until about June. When that finally happened we started to date again and hook up. Only problem was she was also dating her other ex who she dated before me.
One night, my ex and me go out on a small date. We grab some food, walk around and shoot the shit. After awhile we decide to call it a night.
As were saying our goodbyes she mentions that her other guy is in town and that she is going to maybe go and hang out with him. I'm curious to meet this guy cause I had heard so much about him (he was the reason we broke up the first time because she wasn't over him). I wanted to meet my enemy in person. Surprisingly she agrees and we set it up where I was going to "coincidentally" meet her at the joint her boyfriend was at.
I call up one of my good friends and we race down there and get a good seat while I try to figure out which guy it is. Finally, the girl arrives and sits with a group of people. I go up and act surprised when I finally get to meet the scrawny little b*tch she was supposedly in love with. I shook hands said "pleasure to meet you" and left.
That seems like a b*tch move but what he didn’t know was that when I drove her back to her house earlier, the whole way she was giving me the most amazing road head I've ever had. AND THEN, when we arrived at her house we hopped in the back of my SUV and I wrecked that puss. I f*cked her raw to the point where she was walking as if she'd just been ridden by a horse.
So essentially there was nothing more I needed to say to him. I just f*cked his girl literally an hour before I met him. No matter what he could've said or done: I win.
This next submission reminds us that women can do more than just make sandwiches.
I recently fractured a bone in my knee, so my doc prescribed me a ton of pain medicine. I’m sitting at work -- at the campus gym -- and take my prescription-strength Aleve. One problem: it wasn’t the Aleve; it was a Vicodin. They are in the same sized bottle, so it was an honest mistake. I thought “no biggie; this will just make my shift a little more interesting.”
Flash-forward a few hours and I’m out at a frat party. My buddy has been getting with this one chick all night, and he asks me to occupy her friend so he can seal the deal. Like any good friend would, I oblige.
I end up taking this girl back to my room and she starts giving me head. She is a pro, I lie down and close my eyes, while she does some serious work. Out of nowhere, I feel a terrible pain in my stomach and realize I am about to yack. I tried pushing her out of the way, but no avail. I look up at her, and she is covered in a mix of about 12 Rolling Rocks and a dish of chicken giambotta that has been brewing in my stomach for the past six hours.
Feeling defeated, I throw all my puke-covered sheets on the ground, roll over and pass the f*ck out, without saying a word to this chick. I assume she’s mad, but I could care less at this point.
I wake up the next morning expecting to find my sheets on the ground and to some angry texts from this chick. To my surprise all my sheets are draped over chairs. Whatever, maybe I did that in the middle of the night and just forgot. Then I find a note from this girl saying she had a lot of fun hanging out with me, and that she washed my sheets after I fell asleep. WHAT AN ANGEL! She took care of the two things I hate most in this world, vomit and laundry.
It honestly slipped my mind that Rolling Rock was even a beer. Who the f*ck walks into a distributor and thinks, "Oh yeah, it's a Rolling Rock night, tongiht!!"?
To read the rest of today's stories, click the below. And submit yours here.