Reading all these stories every week always takes me back to college and high school but this week one Bro's trip down memory lane brings us all the way back to 8th grade; a time when we all prayed for blow jobs but still looked forward to a rough hand job if we could get it. Alongside that gem, we've got some Spring Break madness and a girl with one hell of an oral fixation -- just d*ck after d*ck after d*ck. What a gamer. Submit your stories here!
This first one might be every normal dude's nightmare. I know it's mine.
I went on Spring Break looking to hookup as much as possible, just like everyone else. Not bragging but I did pretty well and my last snipe was the worst, yet easily the best story of them all.
We went down with small group of people but met a bunch so by the end of the week we had a good team. A girl we were hanging around with came up to me and said that her friend wanted to wheel me. Game time.
Knowing I had it in the bag I drank some more and was completely bombed. She was sober and when I tried to talk to her she did not find my humor funny, at all. So I said f*ck it, grabbed her hand, and walked her back to my room. We got there and started going right at it. Since I was bombed, I thought it was a great idea to go down on her. So I did that for a bit...or a while, I guess. And then we banged.
After we finished, she geared up and left, which I thought was nice of her. I wear contacts so before I went to bed I went to the bathroom to take them out. I turn the lights on and as I put my hand up to my eye I noticed it: Blood. Not just a little mark on my finger, I looked like I had dipped my hands in a bucket of red paint. What was worse was there was a smear across my mouth and chin. I started gagging and didn't know what to do. So I went out to the room and turned on the lights. It looked like I had slaughtered an animal. Gallons of blood had to have flowed out of this chick. The bed was unusable.
(Side note: There was no running water at the resort that night. Seriously, I can't make this up).
So with this all happening conveniently on the same night, I ran to my buddy’s room so that he could poor bottled water on my hands to wash them. Clearly, he found this really funny.
I never did see that girl again. Don't know what I’ll do to her if I ever do. But thanks to her I don’t know if I can f*ck with the lights off ever again.
Don't really know if this qualifies as a Hook up Heroes story but it is interesting. So here goes…
My boys and I were on Spring Break in Panama City. The week was awesome and never had more fun in my life. It was our last night there. There were these 2 sl*ts staying at our hotel and my boy was super f*cked up and trying so hard to f*ck one of them. One had a huge rack and the other had a freakishly large ass. My boy was trying to slam on the one with the huge rack who was probably the biggest sl*t I had ever seen.
Over the course of the week we had seen (no lie) probably 4 different black dudes walk out of their hotel room in the morning and quite a few others come back with them from the beach.
That meant NOTHING to my boy. His heart was set on banging anything with a pulse. He proceeded to get her in bed after 3 solid hours of drunken retarded game. But they left the door open to the hotel room. First me and my boy tried getting a good film angle to show his dumb ass in the morning but we couldn’t see well so we just barged in.
They were both so drunk my boy couldn’t get his pants off to go to pound town. He was literally trying to f*ck her face with his pants half off. We laughed at him for a few minutes, and then my buddy (the one that walked in with me) and I noticed this broad’s purse. Inside it was a camera, 10 dollars, and a phone. I snatched all three and we left.
I looked through her camera for nude pics / crazy sh*t then looked at her phone. Nothing again but then we read her texts and HOLY SHIT, I underestimated this tramp. Thirteen different dudes in a week!! Thirteen different guys numbers had texted her sh*t like "damn girl you f*ck like a champ," "You trying to f*ck again before we leave?", "You give the best head I’ve ever had." The list goes on and on but this type of sh*t was from 13 different guys. Then I see the mother load of all sh*t in the Inbox. TEXTS FROM HER BOYFRIEND!
Stuff like “Babe, I love you. I can’t wait for you to get back from break,” and “I love you so much blah, blah, blah.” I lost it laughing my ass off for like ten minutes and then it hit me…If I were this guy I would want to know. It would be un-Bro of me to not tell this guy his girl is a raging wh*re and putting his d*cks life at risk. So I shot a quick text to him said “listen man you don’t know me but my boy is slamming out your girl right now and I’m pretty sure he is the 14th d*ck that’s been inside her this week.
This guy was PISSED. As well he should be. Apparently they had talked about getting married and sh*t. I texted him a few more graphic details of the revolving door her room was and left it at that. I threw her phone in the pool, sold her camera on eBay and used her $10 as gas money on our ride back home.
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