It was Halloween my freshman year at Shippensburg University. My high school sweetheart had broken up with me like a month prior. Like any Bro, I had been on the prowl, bringing home a new slampiece every weekend. And now it was Halloween --the only time girls can dress like sluts and it is not offensive.
I am a pretty good looking dude and very athletically built, so for my costume I was Chris Pontius from Wild Boys. We start pre-gaming for the night in my Bro’s room doing shots of high-class Vladdy, and beer bongs of Natty.
Fast forward to the party. We get there, I immediately beeline to the dance floor while my Bros get us the brews. I start dancing with this girl dressed up as a slutty football player.
We will call her "Babe,” a decent 6. After the usual grinding and sucking face, I go get another beer. While getting another brew, I run into a girl who has wanted the D since Day One on campus.
We will call her "Mags," a solid 8 dressed as a smutty referee. I start talking to Mags, we go upstairs into a random bedroom where she lays down and starts touching herself. She tells me to go down on her to which I do for 15 minutes or so, then she pulls me up and tells me to bang her face. So I oblige and then finish on her chest.
Feeling pretty good with myself, I head back down to the party tell my Bros what happened. They tell me "Babe" has been looking for me. So I head to the dancefloor to find her. We dance some more, rip more shots, and do a lil’ down the skirt on the dance floor.
We then decide to walk back to my dorm because my roommate is out of town. We get into the elevator and go at it like animals. We get into my room and continue like animals -- do a little mouth stuff then get down to business.
I start to black in and out and then it ends with me going in her and we both pass out for the night.
I wake up the next morning with a girl in my arms and don't know her name, so "Babe" becomes her name. I start kissing her neck and I am ready for round 2. She says, " No, I can't I am too sore from last night, but I'll suck you off.”
So she does, then runs down the hallway to freshen up. She is in the bathroom and my boys come in and I am, like, “what’s her name?” They know it and keep telling me wrong names, and eventually I give up.
We are at breakfast and still don't know her name. I get up, say I am leaving to go get a lift in before we go out and she says "bye, Gabe" and I look around for help but there is none and say "Bye babe.”
Here’s what I learned from this amazing tale. First of all, Shippensburg really needs to up its academic standards. Y’all should have seen the unedited version of this. It looked like the wild ramblings of an inmate in solitary confinement scrawling their credo in blood.
I also learned sometimes people have casual sex without proper introductions. SCANDAL!