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Q: What's the best way to hit on a hot female drug dealer in college? She did have a boyfriend and was pretty aloof every time I saw her but now the last few times she has actually had a conversation with me, and even answered her door in just her bra and booty shorts when she clearly knew I would be there and started chatting with me casually. I don't want to fuck up this connect because she has awesome weed, but what could be better than dating a hot girl that provides you weed rather than her always taking yours?
A: Now we're talkin'. The female drug dealer in question -- let's go ahead and call her Mary Jane, both for ease of the story and my own entertainment-- clearly has the upper hand here, so you need to be tactical.
Plus, she's got the kush. Double Quadruple bonus.
Let her continue to be the one on sexual offense and maintain a cool game of strong defense on your side of the field. Once you've worn her out and know she's hooked, you can make some moves. Best not to do it on her home turf though-- meaning don't go to her house for a quarter and then request to take her out to dinner after the fact. Text or call her separately, on your own time, when you're not in need of weed. She'll recognize the efforts as genuine and will probably consider giving you a shot.
However, don't assume that you'll be able to ride the ganja express without ever buying a ticket. Female drug dealers are prone to being skeptical, especially as it relates to getting fucked over by a freeloading stoner. And do also take into account the risk at hand were things to go sour with Mary.
We all know how much finding a new drug dealer sucks.
Q: I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year. We go to different schools in NYC so we only see each other on weekends. Regardless, we basically text everyday about whatever is going on. The other day she tells me that we're both so stressed out that there isn't anything to talk about because all we do is complain. Now to be honest, there is a fair amount of venting mostly her although often myself. Anyways, should I be worried or taking more out of this? It seems odd to put restrictions on things we can talk about... Any advice would be welcome.
A: Despite what they sometimes tell you, distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Though, I wouldn't necessarily categorize this inter-city relationship as long distance. Or for that matter, of any real distance at all. Thank god homegirl didn't decide to move to China. You guys would be fucked.
Anyways. As a remedy, I'd prescribe some good old-fashioned looking each other in the eyes. That's right; spend some time.
Even though you go to different schools, make sacrifices that allow you to interact more frequently. Go see a movie. Walk her home from school. Cook some dinner. You've been together for a year, so there's obviously something holding you together.
Quit fucking complaining and start freaking hanging out. Do as the cavemen did and..have sex outside and shit. If getting back to basics and actually seeing each other doesn't remedy things, that's when you can start to worry and reconsider the LDR.
Q: One year back my Dad moved to a house near my college campus. It kind of really bummed me out as I no longer feel independent in college. I am also having troubles getting involved in college due to this Isn't college the time to be on your own?! What should I do in such a situation?
A: A cock-blocking dad...sort of gives me the shivers. As I'm sure its unintentional we won't fault pops for it. Poor guys probably lonely. But it's times like these where enacting the familial tough love treatment is a must; or your college life could be a bust.
So give it to him straight. Let him know you're already struggling with separating your whites from your colors on laundry day and wiping your own ass, and him playing the role of hovercraft is not helping the situation. Its a lot better to be honest with him here rather than trying to skirt the issue. He might be surprised, but if you tell him the truth he'll eventually come around. If you try to navigate around the obstacle without addressing it, he's going to get upset and you're going to end up like the Titanic.
Try not to hurt the guys feelings, because god knows he's still got a right to some fatherly facetime. Just make it clear that it can't happen in your dorm room.
Q: I'm a high school bro and I've done pretty well when it comes to girls over the years until now. The problem is I've kind of been a dick to a lot of them (I regret it now) and developed a reputation as a scumbag. I have a lot of guy friends, but not many girl friends anymore. I go to college in less than a year so I'll be able to clear my reputation, but I don't wanna not get with any chicks until college. Have any tips to somehow manage to get some in this scenario?
A: Well first of all, scumbag breau, it's best to not assume that you'll be immediately clearing your reputation once you get to the next level.
All shithead-esque debts will not just be lifted once you walk across the stage. If that's how things worked people would probably rob banks and wear braces until they turned 18.
Unfortunately for you, the interwebs, combined with the underground worlds of Greek life make this essentially impossible. People know who you are before you even step foot on campus, so tread lightly. And rather than continuing to shit the bed, it's time to start cleaning it up. And wearing a diaper while doing so. If you're struggling with my cryptic message what I'm trying to tell you is to lay low, for starters. Instead of creeping around and running through your booty call list at 2 am, decide to just...take a backseat for a while. Refrain from booty calls. Be a nice dude.
If you simply can't keep it in your pants, exploring other options like the public school next door is also a decent route. Go for a swim in a different pool- but make sure not to take a shit there either. Talk about a reputation preceding you.
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