Okay. That headline is a bit misleading. So, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ll come clean up front. I already knew Hillary Clinton had been accused of 92 murders. But I’d completely forgotten about the gem that is the Clinton Body Count. I can’t remember how I was reminded of it this morning, but with Hillary having all but declared for 2016, it’s time for real talk.
Our first female president could be a ruthless killer. And I’m all for that. Need someone tough in the Oval Office. Not afraid to liberally use them some B-613.
Okay, what am I talking about? Well, there is a contingent of people who believe the Clintons are the most ruthless family this side of the Sopranos, and have set about a course of murdering every single person who got in their way. The Clinton Body Count lists everyone the power couple supposedly killed in their attempt to maintain a stranglehold on American politics. (Notable absence: Barack Hussein Obama. You coulda had ’08 Hil. You coulda had ’08.)
Let’s go to the highlights. All NON-DEBATABLE facts and typos courtesy of the Clinton Body Count:
Charles Ruff, Clinton lawyer: Charles Ruff was one of Clinton’s attorneys during the impeachment trial and was known to have inside infomration on the White House emails scandal as well.. The authorities will provide no details other than the usual (and quite premature) assurances that there was no foul play involved.
Murdered by a Hillary ninja assassin because he knew about the ass play that went down between Bill and Monica. As well as Bill’s 6,000 other illicit affairs. Ready for shit to get real conspiracy-y?
Sandy Hume, Journalist: On Sunday, February 22nd, 1998, Sandy Hume, the 28-year-old son of journalist Britt Hume, was reportedly found dead in his Arlington, Virginia home. Aside from the statement that this was an “apparent” suicide, there remains in place a total media blackout on this story, possibly out of concern that the actual facts will not withstand public scrutiny. Sandy already had a reputation for getting the story that nobody else wanted to look at. It is worth noting that his death came hard on the heels of reports that “a reporter” was about to break a story confirming the White House’s use of investigators to dig up dirt on critics.
Yep. Definitely a Clinton hit man.
John F. Kennedy Jr., Potential Candidate for Senator from New York: Within days of an NBC Dateline story hinting at a possible run for the Senate seat currently assumed to be the property of Hillary Clinton, JFK Jr. and his wife and sister-in-law died when the Piper Saratoga II TC JFK Jr. was piloting crashed in to the ocean just short of Martha’s Vineyard.
DON’T FUCK WITH HIL’S SEAT. Okay, this one is messed up.
Mary Mahoney, White House Intern: An attractive 25-year-old woman, Mary was a former White House Intern for Bill Clinton working as the Assistant Manager at a Starbuck’s Coffee shop in Georgetown.
In the pre-trial publicity surrounding Paula Jones lawsuit Mike Isikoff had dropped hints that a “former White House staffer” with the initial “M” was about to go public with her story of sexual harassment at 1600 Pennsylvania. Just days later, gunmen entered the Starbuck’s while the crew was cleaning up after closing. Mary’s two associates, Aaron Goodrich, 18 and Emory Evans, 25, were taken to a room and shot. Mary herself had five bullets in her, from at least two different guns, most likely with silencers. A total of ten shots were fired; none of them heard by neighbors in the densely populated Georgetown section. Mary was shot in the chest, her face, and in the back of the head. Someone wanted her very dead. Or to send a message. Even though more than $4000 remained in the store, the police have categorized the triple murder as a robber, even as they acknowledge the “execution style” killings.
One report is that the Starbuck’s was still locked when the bodies were found the next morning. Robbers don’t bother locking doors. George Stephenopolis, Monica Lewinsky, and Chelsea Clinton were all regulars at the Starbuck’s.
UPDATE: On August 1, 1998, yet another young female government intern with the initial “M”, Christine M. Mirzayan, was murdered, beaten to death with a heavy object near Georgetown University.
Eventually, Mike Isikoff’s “former White House staffer” has finally surfaced and its NOT Mary Mahoney, but Monica Lewinsky. If the killing of Mary Mahoney was to silence a “bimbo eruption”, they got the wrong woman! (Just how many of the interns was Clinton getting oral sex from anyway??)
And of course, the biggie.
Vincent Foster, White House Counsel: Found dead in Ft. Marcy Park in Washington, DC, of a supposed suicide by gunshot. A suicide note was supposedly found a few days later, torn into several pieces, in his briefcase, after his office had been entered by white house staff and materials removed. The gun which he supposedly used to kill himself was reported to be still in his hand, but the person who first found the body reports that there was no gun at that time. Many irregularities surround the death and the investigation of it. Foster was also from Hope, Ark., like Clinton, and also worked for the Rose Law firm. Foster had intimate knowledge of the Clintons’ personal finances. Foster was involved in an investigation of their finances, and reportedly made a phone call to Hillary Clinton, in Los Angeles, just hours before his death. The “suicide” note, (leaked despite official efforts to keep it from view) has since been revealed to be a forgery.
Those Clintons. Fucking murders. I buy it. Do you?