This morning, I walked into a McDonald's to get a Egg McMuffin, because I like to start the day with something that will make me feel like crap. After being greeted by a surly teenager, I strolled up to the counter to place my order. It was 11:10 a.m. You can see where this is going.

Why does McDonald's STILL INSIST on stopping breakfast sales at 11 a.m. on weekends? And why do they stop breakfast sales at 10:30 on weekdays? It's 2013. The demographics of this country have changed. People get up later.

Farmers and early-risers can't be making up the bulk of the Micky D's consumer base anymore. People who actually spend money on McGriddles are not the people who got up at 5 a.m. to feed the chickens, milk the cows, and buy the Dodge Rams. They're hungover kids who want processed eggs. They're lazy people who don't want to make bacon. They're the people who have been beaten down by the night, and who just want to be made better again by the healing powers of the Bacon, Egg, and Cheese.

They're you and me.

Yet you snatch the McMuffin from us Every Fucking Day—always far before its time, like a rising rock star ODing at age 27.

And so I say this, McDonalds! Take a good look at yourself. Realize that there is no way this is a profitable business decision anymore. Realize that anyone who orders a Big Mac at 10:45 in the morning is mentally ill. Realize that beakfast is literally the only thing your company—which continues to face decreasing growth and declining profits—actually does right anymore. Realize that your breakfast is one of the most significant brand identifiers you have.

On weekdays AND weekends, extend breakfast hours till noon, which is the time traditionally given as the end of the morning anyway. Consider offering breakfast at night too, or at least offering a limited menu of a few items—say, your hash browns, your Sausage, Egg and Cheeses, your McMuffins. You'll see increased foot traffic in the 11-12 time slot, and you'll cut into that valuable Assholes Who Talk About Going to Brunch market.

Give the people what they want. They want breakfast.