It's a New York summer tradition. Large packs of finance bros and fashion betches—it never really feels appropriate for a guy to use that word, but oh well—pool together a few grand, rent a place in the Hamptons, and embark on a boozy 10 or so weekends at a summer "share" house. Of course, there's always a landlord, too, who might not be 100% kosher with the house being left with "broken furniture," "dented walls," and "extensive blood stains" left on the bedding, but those are problems to be hashed out after Labor Day. Hopefully over a leaked email.
The following email was sent to Jezebel by one of the "betches," as, unbelievably, evidence that the landlord "is overreacting on an entirely other level." As you'll read, the house was treated about as well as your senior-year frat palace, complete with human "soiling" and widespread damage left behind. And, yeah, blood on the sheets, too. Methinks this was grounds for an overreaction.
What I find shocking is how polite and professional you conduct yourself in your manner and communication, which is so incongruous with how your rowdy group behaved here this summer.
Your group had a very busy drunken summer breaking glass, putting holes and dents in the walls, plugging toilets, and rearranging furniture which you were not supposed to do which resulted in widespread damage and excessive soiling.
If an undoubtedly intoxicated person broke my lamp, it was inappropriate to not inform me and redecorate my house without my consent, choosing a replacement for me without even knowing if I want or like it. And by the way, that little lamp that was placed besides the sofas is not a living room table lamp. It doesn't even remotely resemble the broken lamp in size or design. It is a bedside lamp and I don't want it. You can take it back because it is not going to be a part of the decor at [address].
This house was treated very roughly. The damages and issues are:
1. Soiled walls throughout every room in the house with multiple holes and dents requiring plasterwork and painting in basically every room. And out of curiosity, how does one put dents on a wall 15 ft high that can't be reached ? [Ed. note: best guess is they were throwing shit. Duh.]
2. Dents in wood moldings throughout house requiring wood filling and painting.
3. Every single piece of linen in the house was left dirty in enormous piles in the laundry area stinking of mildew. There are several sheets and a duvet cover that were heavily soiled with extensive blood stains with other large stains of body secretions.
4. Some mattresses had the mattress covers unnecessarily removed with soiling on mattresses with blood stains requiring steam cleaning.
5. Living room upholstery was dirty and stained. All rugs are heavily soiled from heavy traffic with shoes.
6. Downstairs bathroom shower glass shelf was broken needing replacement.
7. Both kitchen and dining room wood table surfaces are scratched requiring repairs.
8. The living room lamp was broken and will be replaced with one of my choice.
9. The wine rack glass was broken.
10. The bedside table in the yellow room upstairs has a broken and warped drawer and requires repair of a woodworking specialist.
11. Wood floors are scratched from rearranging furniture.
12. Microwave glass door was burned with a permanent black charred stain.
13. A bag of garbage was left the trash can in garage stinking requiring disposal fees.
14. A number of personal belongings were left throughout house.
15. A roman shade was broken upstairs requiring repair.
16. Two kitchen chairs are damaged. One has several broken slats. One has a cracked seat.
17. The upstairs single bed that was thrown has a broken bed frame.
18. The sliding kitchen garbage bin/ drawer is completely bent and inoperable.
19. The tile grout in the kitchen floor and one upstairs bathroom is black with filth and requires bleaching and steaming. Several kitchen tiles are cracked from obviously dropping very heavy objects on them.
20. A number of wine glasses are missing.
21. Every kitchen dish and utensil had to be rewashed because there were many dead insects throughout cabinetry and some pans and dishes were greasy.
22. The ceilings in the kitchen are sprayed with beverages and are only reachable for cleaning with a tall ladder.
23. Downstairs bedroom dresser wood finish damaged and finish was stripped resulting in bleached appearance.
24. Pool maintenance man reported that jacuzzi cover is broken and was " walked on".
25. Downstairs bedroom comforter damaged with bleach spot. [Ed. note: at least bleach is preferable to blood/mysterious secretions?]
26. Dirty hand and fingerprints on walls throughout house to numerous to count requiring extensive scrubbing.
27. Locking pin on bathroom door adjacent to kitchen is missing so door no longer locks. New hardware is needed.
28. Professionally wrapped furniture in the basement was tampered with and one antique chair was unwrapped.
Photos of all damage and soiling were taken upon inspection and I'm preparing for contractors to begin repairs.
Hashing out that security deposit is going to be fun.