Halloween is the one night a year that even the docile, mild mannered girls next door can dress as raging whores and no one can say anything about it. The thing that makes the night so hot is the mystery of it all. The cute blonde dressed as an angel may or may not be as angelic as she looks. The hot babe all dolled up as Wonder Woman may actually be that weird, quiet girl who lived next to you freshman year. We all get to be someone were not for the evening and that can lead us to places and people we would never encounter in our everyday lives. Before you venture out to all the parties, let me lay down some ground rules for who to approach and who to avoid. Although we may not always know it, a girl’s choice in Halloween costume actually says a lot about who she is and what she’s looking for that night. Let us begin.

The French Maid, The Nurse or The School Girl
What do these costumes have in common? They are worn by girls that are DTF and they all have an expiration date. If she’s over thirty-five in one of these short skirted, thigh high fishnet ensembles it just reeks of desperation. Otherwise, she will be looking hot and looking to hookup. She’s down to have fun so strike up a conversation, buy her a drink (or several) and enjoy the hot strip tease. Come November 1st you won’t even be expected to buy her breakfast. Real whores leave before 8am.

The Zombie, The Vampire or Any Other Gory Costume
Obviously, if her face is painted green or there is fake blood all up and around her mouth, she is not an ideal candidate for making out at the bar. However, don’t write her off just yet. Notice how she looks overall. Yeah her hair is teased up and she kind of looks like a hot Edward Scissorhands but take into consideration the confidence it takes to rock an outfit like that while next to the French maids and nurses all night. If she looks good as a zombie, she’s probably a smokeshow in her regular clothes. Talk a bit, plant the seed and walk way. Hopefully she recognizes you out next weekend because you sure as hell won’t recognize her and you may be pleasantly surprised to see that Medusa is really sexy without her snakes.

Eve, Princess Peach or Pebbles
Look out for Adam, Mario or Bam Bam. She may be hot as hell, but that is a couple costume. Later in the night when you come across the whipped guy who she convinced to wear the accompaniment to her costume, give him a look of pity and move on.

The Funny Costume or Clever Nod to Pop Culture
If she left the fishnets and cleavage baring corset at home and chose to go with a funny costume instead, she is a good time and the witty banter will go back and forth all night. She might not sleep with you right away but she may be a girl that you could be good friends with or possibly even date.

The Disney Princess
This costume never gets old and there will be a ton of bitches running around in them this year and every Halloween until the apocalypse. If you meet Cinderella, Jasmine, Snow White, Belle or The Little Mermaid – be on the lookout for two things: 1) Her prince charming 2) Her army of skanks. It is possible that she chose to be a Disney princess on her own which is cool and confident of her but most likely it is a couple or group costume. Which brings me to..

The Spice Girls, the All-Female Cast of Alice in Wonderland or The Wizard of Oz
I vaguely remember there being a few male characters in The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland but after the reoccurring and what seems to be never ending Halloween trend of sorority girls wearing this theme, it is hard to be sure. If the girl you have your eye on is part of a group costume idea with a bunch of other girls that seem cute and approachable, don’t be fooled too easily. Be sure to choose wisely. Once you’ve hit on one, you’re committed for the night. These broads are loyal and won’t let you jump from girl to girl. Also, you not only need to win the approval of one girl but of her whole group. The army of skanks can end up being a real buzz kill so approach with caution and if you’re already wasted, don’t bother.

At the end of the day, you can use the above as a guideline but should be prepared for anything. Girls are unpredictable, mysterious and in some cases bat shit crazy. Things may pan out exactly as I predicted or you may wake up the following morning next to the girl who was dressed as a nun. Comment on November 1st and let me know who you met up with.

Happy Halloween! Xo,
McKenzie