Life
by Rebecca Martinson on June 25, 2014

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I can’t lie. I’d immediately try to be friends with this dude if ever met him out in public. Sure he looks like the epitome of white trash and has no grasp of the English language whatsoever, but at the same time he’s like real-life Vin Diesel from Fast and Furious.

“Fairbanks police first collared Chambers following reports of a domestic disturbance on June 17. Cops at the scene ruled the dispute not to be a crime. Still, they handcuffed the Chambers and placed him under arrest on a probation violation warrant.

Chambers wouldn’t remain in custody for long. Despite being cuffed, the crafty criminal managed to bring his hands out from behind his back, crawl from the back of the patrol cruiser into the driver’s seat and hit the gas, according to police. Later, during one of his Facebook dispatches while in hiding, Chambers provided his own colorful explanation for the brazen escape.”

Via Vocativ

And what’d he have to say about it? Was it some eloquent, long-form piece on how the justice system in the United States is fucked? What it a simple haiku about life behind bars? Or was it the prologue to a novel that he’s been working fruitlessly on for months now?

“’IF OFFICER FUCK FUCK WASENT KNEE DROPPING MY HEAD INTO THE GROUND AND THEN TALKIN SHIT I WOULDN’T HAVE STOLE HIS CAR,” he wrote on June 19. “AT LEAST I HONKED AND WAVED BEFORE I PULLED OFF.’”

Beautiful. Just, beautiful. I’d go so far as to call him the Shakespeare of our generation, but that’s doing him a disservice. Clearly Chambers writes at a far higher level than that hack Shakespeare ever did. But wait, not only is he a LITERARY genius, he’s also a mastermind when it comes to hiding from the police.

” As authorities launched a statewide manhunt, the now-fugitive hoofed it a mere 15 miles to the town of North Pole, where Cindy Seurer, a reported longtime friend, invited him to hide in her apartment.
There, Chambers managed to make himself at home. He cooked pork chops and kicked it with Seurer’s 14-year-old daughter…Seurer also revealed that during his four-day stay she and Chambers had started dating. All the while, he didn’t bother to keep a very low profile.”

Low profile my ass. Immediately when the coast was clear he hopped on Facebook and started shitting all over police. I mean come on, if the guy you’re chasing has time to fuck around on Facebook, you’re probably doing something wrong.

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And yet police STILL hadn’t caught him. It wasn’t until he updated his relationship status with Seurer on Saturday night that police FINALLY got him. To be fair though, this was in Alaska. There’s bears up there eating people and shit, so finding some hillbilly probably wasn’t the highest priority.

[H/T Vocativ]

Rebecca Martinson

About Rebecca Martinson...

Rebecca Martinson is a recent graduate from the University of Maryland who is notoriously known throughout the Internet for being really, really adequate at writing emails. She joined BroBible right after graduating in the Spring of 2014 and doesn't hate it...yet.