When an idiotic, yet hilarious, Craigslist ad comes across my desk, I can’t ignore it. You people know that. That’s exactly what we’ve got here today. The NYC Bro who posted the ad to Craigslist is trying to offload his collection of law textbooks (is that what these are even called? No fucking idea) to another Bro for the bargain basement price of $1. I’m told — because the ad tells me — that $1 is a fucking steal for substantial amount of poon that these books will bring you once chicks find out you own them. That promise alone makes the ad worth the read, no? YES.
Per the ad on Craigslist:
Do you feel a tingling and aching in your loins? Well let me fancy your pleasure.
Federal Income Taxation, 12th Edition (Klein, Bankman, Shaviro). Oh yes.
Tort and Accident Law, 3rd Edition (Keeton, Sargentich, Keating). Ohhhhh fuck yes.
Corporate Income Taxation, 5th Edition (Kahn, Lehman). Oh god oh god oh god.
The Substantive Law of New York, 1 & 2 (Sainer). That’s the spot. Keep going.
If your engine isn’t roaring and your panties aren’t all in a bunch yet from reading those exhilarating and titillating titles, let me tempt you further. These books don’t have your everyday soft, wimpy covers … they have covers that are ROCK HARD, literally all the time. When you want to get totally and completely punished by the LAW and by TAXATION and by (ohhhhhhh shit) TORTS, this is the reading material you need.
Whew. ORDER IN THE COURT. I am breaking a sweat, maybe it’s time to retire to my chambers for some one-on-one counseling with a bottle of baby lotion and a roll of Brawny paper towels, ifyouknowwhatImeanandIthinkyoudo.
Guys, I feel like I’ve been ignoring you so far. Well let me tell you this. Girls will fuck you if they think you read. If they think you read AND they think you went to law school, they’ll get so rip-roaring horny they’ll suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. And then they’ll maybe even blow you too. Believe me, I know. I have a GED and I display these on my bedside table — guess what happened next? You guessed it. Banged Eva Longoria. Got herpes. Boom.
Need I say more? I think not. Send me an offer. I listed the price as $1 because INFINITY wasn’t an option. Looking forward to getting you laid. You’re fucking welcome.
[H/T Reader Chris]