by David Covucci on February 26, 2014


Because … internet? Because 2014? Because commentary on the intertwined nature of commerce and sexuality?

Look, I’m not really sure the motivation, I’m just here to tell you that there’s a guy on Twitter, who goes by the handle @VERSACEPOPTARTS, who has sex with Hot Pockets.

His story is a story of escalation. Gateway sex with food, really. It started when he stuck his dick in a box of Pop-Tarts.

Unfortunately, all we have is that picture. No word on whether he unwrapped the Pop-Tarts first or he just mashed his dick into the silver foil.

But then, he upped the ante.

He got his retweets and posted a Vine of it, until his account was suspended for… reasons that should be obvious.

Of course, he posted a photo to Twitter of him committing the act. We won’t link to, although if you copy this URL ( and paste it into your browser bar and hit enter, you will be greeted by a very NSFW picture of this kid with his dick in a Hot Pocket. I recommend doing it.

So, you have questions, I bet. Well, I have answers.

He used protection.

He’s now an online martyr.

He is willing to go to extremes for his cause.

He has found his niche in life.

And let me tell you something: He speaks the truth.

[Hot Pocket image via Hot Pockets]

David Covucci

About David Covucci...

David Covucci is writerer-bloggerer for BroBible dot com. He loves Twitter and whiskey. He can be reached at