And you thought your holiday air travel was rough. Rafael Escamilla, a 50-year-old man with a hankering for hot sauce, was arrested for allegedly masturbating on an airplane while seated next to a 17-year-old girl while she looked at prom dresses in Seventeen magazine. Seriously. His excuse? He had spilled Tabasco on his pen*s and was trying to be discreet in itching it.

According to The Smoking Gun: 

Mid-flight, as [the girl] looked at prom dresses in Seventeen magazine, the teenager spotted something moving “out of my corner of my eye.”

In a handwritten statement, the girl recalled, “I looked over and I could clearly see the man’s pen*s going side to side under the tray table that was down.” Escamilla, she added, had one hand on his laptop (which was atop the tray table) and the other “under the tray table.”

…

When confronted by cops, Escamilla denied exposing himself. “I wasn’t out, I wasn’t hanging out,” he claimed. As reported by Officer Chris Reese, Escamilla “explained to me that he had spilled Tabasco sauce or something similar on his ‘pen*s’ and had an incredible itch.” He was rubbing his groin, Escamilla explained, “because it was the worst ‘itch in the world.’” Escamilla said he tried to be discreet by covering himself with his laptop, but that the girl must have “suspected something.”

Apparently the guy had put Tabasco sauce on his eggs that morning. How it then ended up on his dick is unclear, as well as why he didn't go to a bathroom to clean it off. Oh, wait, he claims that he didn't think it would help.

What do you guys think? Do you buy his story? Ever gotten Tabasco on your dick? And have you ever rubbed one off on an airplane or in another form of public transportation? Sound Off in the comments...