The next time you get pulled over for drunk driving (which is hopefully never), take a page out of Ross McDonald’s book, rip it up into shreds and then throw it on the ground because that page is not going to be of any use to you. Why? Because when it comes to Ross McDonald giving advice on what to do when you’ve been caught driving drunk you’re probably better off taking a swig out of a handle of Grey Goose right as the officer asks you to roll your window down. Ross would just tell you to eat toilet paper.
For clarity’s sake: no, you should not eat toilet paper upon being pulled over for drunk driving. You could just blow into this breathalyzer instead to determine exactly how drunk you are and then depending on the result decide whether it’s best to ride out the storm or jump out of your car and hide in the woods for a few days, but while the breathalyzer is perfectly legal evading arrest isn’t. To each their own though.
Cops yesterday pulled over Ross McDonald, 39, after they spotted him driving the wrong way on an Iowa City street around 3 AM.According to a criminal complaint, McDonald was “extremely confused” and could not tell officers “what bar he was coming from.”
McDonald, who claimed to have consumed two drinks, had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and unsteady balance, cops noted. He also appeared to be dressed in a “flasher” costume: “Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece of cloth that looked like a penis.”
Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald “attempted to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with” the Breathalyzer. McDonald had initially refused the breath test, but “changed his mind after attempting to eat the toilet paper.”(via)
McDonald’s blood alcohol content was measured at .165, and due to his prior drunk driving convictions he was charged with a felony that comes with a maximum sentence of five years in prison. After posting a $5,000 bond, he was released from jail on his own recognizance.
Want to read more stories about idiots driving drunk? Too bad, here’s some owls playing with a camera on an iPhone instead:
[H/T The Smoking Gun]