There are few things worse than striking out at a bar or club after you’ve spent a small fortune on cab fare, cover and drinks. Instead of waking up next to a woman, you wake up next to various fast-food wrappers, a throbbing headache, and, to make matters worse, a pitched tent you now have to take care of yourself.
There are so many obstacles a guy must face when trying to pick up at a club, no matter how good-looking you happen to be. Since no man can ever fully understand what women think—and to ward off any snide “What does this guy know?” comments—I went right to the source and asked six good-looking girls to answer the following four questions:
1. What is the best way a guy can approach you at a bar?
2. What is the best way a guy can dance in a club/bar setting to catch your eye?
3. What things does a dude do at a club/bar that completely turns you off?
4. What do you like a man to wear at a club/bar that doesn't have dress code?
These were their responses:
1. The best way a man can approach me at the bar is usually just to not approach me at all. Unfortunately, I'm pretty shallow, super picky, and very blunt. However, I am a sucker for cheesy, tacky pick-up lines and quirky introductions. While a lot of women I know would be really put off by that, I think it shows that the guy likes to have fun and isn't afraid to make a fool of himself. If a man waits for me to branch off from my friends to grab a drink and greets me at the bar with a line that makes me laugh, then he's at least caught my attention.
2. In my experience, most male dance sightings in a bar setting have been either the guy surprise grinding on 50 different unsuspecting girls, the super-drunk guy who thinks he's part of a Backstreet Boys dance competition, or the group of bros ripping off their shirts and dancing in a big circle. That being said, I'm really not sure what the best way for a man to dance in a bar setting is. However, if he wants to dance with a woman in the bar he should always ask her first.
3. Reference bad dance moves from number 2. It is also a major turnoff when a man tries to show off by spending large amounts of money and buying everyone and all their friends multiple drinks. I'm obviously going to accept the beverages but I'm not going to be as accepting of the arrogance. Another big turnoff is when a man is trying to hit on a woman who is with one or more of her girlfriends and he makes no effort to engage with them in any way. If the man ignores her friends then it's awkward for everyone, her friends are going to encourage her not to talk to him again, and it makes it seem like all the man wants to do is close the deal, fast.
4. At a bar without dress code, the best thing a man can wear is something that he is completely comfortable wearing. If a man wants to go to the bar and be confident enough to attract women then he needs to feel confident and be himself. As far as personal preference goes, a pair of dark jeans and a T-shirt are usually safe options. NO gym sneakers and if a v-neck is worn it shouldn't be deep enough that cleavage is showing and there shouldn't be an army of chest hairs poking through.
1. Confidence. Confidence. Confidence. We just met, I don’t need to know how many insecurities you have. What I do need is for you to act like you’re interested. Compliment me in any way possible then ask me to dance.
2. Eye contact. But not for too long, don’t come off creepy. Just long enough so that I know you’re looking at me and not at the other ladies behind or beside me. A little flirting goes a long way.
3. When a man is too shy and I have to pry for things to talk about; when a man doesn’t get my polite hint that I don’t want to dance; when a man isn’t confident in himself, and that may sound cliché but when you aren’t confident in yourself it shows aren’t confident in other aspects of your life either i.e. sex, love and career.
4. Clean clothes, washed hair, groomed face and bushed teeth. I like well-fitting jeans and plaid, when worn correctly. Good fitting t-shirts, polo’s and cardigans. Just put in effort, you’d expect the same things from women.
1. The best way a guy can approach me at a bar is simply walking up to me and introducing himself. However, timing is key. Try to approach me when it's comfortable, and I'm not distracted by my surroundings.
2. The best thing a man can do to catch my attention is to spot me when I am already dancing. Find a spot closer to me, and continue to make eye contact. A man who is already trumping the dance floor can be intimidating, but suggesting to make the next move together is very attractive.
3. Never, under any circumstances, come up behind me when I'm already dancing with my friend(s). If I want to dance with you, I will make it obvious and give you the opportunity to join in. Also, never act immature. This includes screaming words like "bro" and "dawg" across the bar.
4. A 100% casual outfit with a touch of style. Keep it low-key with a t-shirt and great jeans. Dress it up with a nice pair of shoes, belt and watch. Try to avoid anything loud. Lastly, the best accessory is confidence. Nothing is more sexy than a guy who can pull that package off.
1. In terms of relationships, don't approach me at a bar. In terms of hookups, buy me a drink, ask me to dance, and then try your luck at last call.
2. Just having a fun time, beer in hand obviously.
3. Touching me anywhere inappropriately. You really don't know me like that.
4. Jeans that fit properly and a somewhat tight v-neck. Not skin tight but tight enough so I can get an idea of your build.
1. I think the best way a man can approach a woman at a bar is with subtlety and confidence. Your personality and the way you carry yourself is what women are attracted to. Also, lose the lame pick up lines.
2. I am not a huge dancer myself, so this one is tricky. I suppose dancing is cool but don’t make a scene. I guess you could say I’m into the "subtle dancer".
3. Things men do at a bar that turn me off are as follows: The cocky guy who thinks their shit don't stink and walk around like we should be bowing at his feet. Don't do that! Also, I hate the guys who just stare. That's creepy. Proper vocabulary is nice. A huge turnoff for me is when a guy comes up to you and says "Yo! Baby!". It's happened. I am not your baby, nor do I answer to: Yo, Honey, Babe, etc.
4. I like the clean look. I love when a man knows how to dress nice. A clean pair of jeans with no rips or stains and a clean shirt. I understand you aren't going to dress up if there is no dress code but you still want to look nice, right? Not too much cologne, just enough to smell from close. And shoes don't have to be dress shoes obviously, but don't show up in your work boots or worn out runners.
1. With confidence. Leave the cocky attitude with your buddies.
2. It's a lot more attractive if guys are having a good time fooling around with their friends. Dancing really isn't a thing for me.
3. Grinding on me without even talking to me first is a huge turn off. It's awkward and uncomfortable. Grinding in general is not cute, unless you’re in your pre-teens.
4. Dark jeans and a nice top. Button up shirts preferably.
After the survey, my buddies and I spoke on standing out in a club—while at a dive bar, oddly enough. We all agreed that it can be tough out there. You’re entering a testosterone-fuelled warzone of concrete, strobe lights, throbbing music, watered-down liquor and a ton of competition. Only the strongest survive.
“It’s all about averages”, my friend—who’s often successful with the ladies—told me. “You can’t be too confident, too dressy, too anything.”
His point made sense and is akin to what the girls were saying. Scoring too high in these categories makes you a douche, and scoring too low results in immediate dismissal.
Anyway, according to the results of my survey, ladies like a well-groomed dude in dark jeans with confidence, who doesn’t thrust into their asses without consent. So let’s work on that.
Best of luck, bros!