Life
by J. Camm on April 23, 2014

great-northern-jerk-off

Where the hell is “Pervert Dave” when you need him? Oh, right…

This story reminded me of the time someone in my 8am Wood Shop class in high school made t-shirts for the entire class that said “Morning Wood is Good.” The joke was a layup. Take something innocent like woodworking, make a stupid erection joke out of it, win the hearts of men. And it is a stupid joke because every guys knows morning wood is rarely good; nothing worse than pissing for the first time in 8-hours with an stifling erection.

Anyway, the best part of making the t-shirts was that our dipshit teacher had NO IDEA the shirts were doing anything other than championing the art of woodworking in the morning. That is, until a female gym teacher noticed the shirt, was APPALLED at what we had done, and then proceeded to confiscate each shirt.

Well, what we lacked in support for our t-shirt cause, the great people of  Conover, Wisconsin seem to have it in spades for their Great Northern Jerk-Off fest, which is a competition — in it’s TWENTIETH YEAR — that chooses the best homemade beef jerky in Conover while also raising money for a charity called “Warm the Children.”

Twenty years and NO ONE has made them change the name. How is that possible? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to near death for them, but the fact that this event has survived for TWENTY YEARS with that same name, in our ridiculously PC society, is enough to warm the fucking children.

According to Jim Romenesko, a Great Northern Jerk-Off t-shirt could be yours…

People have asked about the T-shirts, which Club 45 was selling them for $10 $20 (they went up). Jen at the bar tells me that readers who want to order the shirt can email her atclub45conover@yahoo.com. (FYI: The back of the shirt says, “If You Jerk It, They Will Come.”)

“If You Jerk It, They Will Come.” Truer words have yet to be spoken.

P.S., If any of the good people of Conover are reading this, I want a shirt and I want to donate to this great cause. I want to help you help some children overheat.

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[H/T Jim Romenesko]

J. Camm

About J. Camm...

J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.